Chapter 50: Thanksgiving Pt. 2

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"You can take this heart, heal it or tear it all apart. No, this isn't fear, love me or leave me here."

-Love Me or Leave Me, Little Mix

This gets emotional guyyss.

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I rush after Madison and after checking her room and not seeing her I grab my coat and head outside. It is snowing and already dark outside which just makes everything ten times worse. I search for her in the blowing snow before looking for any tracks. I see a few foot prints that are quickly being covered by the falling snow. They lead down her long ass drive way and I look up to see her walking, slowly to the end of it.

I run up to her, hoping I could comfort her. The expression she had on her face at dinner was just so heart breaking. The way her voice would crack or how she would pause when she needed to sob was just such an eye opener for me. Madison is so broken, and whatever had been healed and what I did and put her through so far just broke it all down again.

"Madison!" I yell when I'm just a few feet away from her. She ignores me and continues so when I finally reach her I gently put my hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"What?" she turns towards me and screams.

"I just wanted to see if you were oaky," I say, a bit taken off gaurd.

"Oh?" she laughs humorlessly. "So now you care Zayn? Is that it? When I'm sick, in tears, or just need some picking up you care? Hmm? Or do you just feel obligated to care? Cause almost every other fucking time you couldn't careless about me!"


"No Zayn!" she continues to scream. "How do you feel about me! Cause I can't keep on guessing like this! I don't have the energy to deal with you and my family. So tell me! Do you hate me so much that you want to see me go crazy with trying to figure this out."

"You know that isn't it," I sternly tell her.

"Really? Cause just the other night you we were having fun at that party and the next morning you ran off, lied to me, and ignored me for three whole days. I think that is a perfect example!" she shouts and pushes me. I'm taken off gaurd and stumble a little.

"Stop it," I tell her, gaining my balance.

"Why Zayn? Are you getting mad?" she taunts me and pushes me again. "Are you going to hit me? Maybe knock me out? God knows you've done it more than once!"

"Damn it, Madison!" I explode and grab her wrists when she goes to push me again, making her shut up and listen. "You are so damn irritating. I can't stand it! Whenever I'm with you I almost always wish I was deaf. I wish I would never have to see your face again. I always want to be somewhere else or with someone else when I'm with you! You drive me in-fucking-sane!"

"That's all I wanted to know," she sniffs and little before turning to walk away, but I stop her. I grab her wrist again, spin her around, and place my lips on hers. She doesn't return my kiss, she just stands there frozen.

"You didn't let me explain," I breathe, pulling away from her. "I wish I was someone else because I hate being the monster that hurt you, and will continue to hurt you, cause I know I will. I want to be somewhere else because being in such a close proximity to you drives me crazy, and not in the bad way. I wish I was deaf so I didn't have hear your voice that reminds me just how amazing you are and how terrible I am. I wish I never have to see your face again because no matter what expression you make, sad, happy, or pissed it makes me feel things. Things I've never felt for anyone in my entire life. And I hate to admit it Madison, like really, really hate to, but I'm scared."

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