Hanna's mind.

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Hanna's p.o.v.

Secrets had always scared me, I tried to stay away from them. Which is ironic considering I became friends with her, Alison. There was no way to escape the secrets. I think she knew how I hated them. And that's why she always tried to make me feel the worst. Secrets always show up uninvited. They break through the sky on a regular basis, tearing down the hinges of any door that might have kept it out. And then they stare you down with that unrelenting glow as you attempt to settle yourself in your favorite chair by the fire, trying to gather your thoughts. Secrets are nothing but a party crasher. Not that there was much of a party before they arrived. Who am I kidding? Who is Alison kidding? She's privately thrilled that they chose her horizon to shine, but try not to betray those thoughts. A single bat of the eyelash and they will know. Your secrets will be spilled like a glass of warm milk when they are with her. But she can't help it. Its arrival has caught her off guard and they melt as if the moon were the sun and they were an antisocial popsicle. And what does Ali do next? She chuckles. She chuckles while she hands out all of your secrets, to everybody who wants them, and the ones who don't want them. Because once you know, you can't unknow.

I felt my bones crumble into the final specks of ashes as the sun peaked through my eyelids to wake me for another day. Oh, the irony, how I've never felt so human before. It was like before all this happened I used to live on a pink cloud, with rainbows and unicorns and gummybears. And now, I live on the real world. And I belong with the real people. It had been a long time since I had had any nightmares. Maybe it was because real life was so much scarier than anything my mind could possibly come up with. It had been my first real sleep since days. It was convenient too, considering I had a date with Caleb that day. We were now one month into the new school year, he and I had been on a few dates, I was really hoping he would make it official that night. I wanted it, I wanted it so bad. The average amount of sleep however that I had been getting was kind of 1 hour a night, when my eyes and brain were too tired of all the thinking they just had to rest for a moment. I had been able to cover up my dark circles, but furthermore I was a mess. People noticed it. Alison had remarked it a couple of times too, Mona of course as well, I couldn't tell her. Sadly, but yeah she didn't want to tell me about what happened between her and Aria, so I guess it's fair. My teachers had been noticing it too, Mr. Fitz mostly. His involvement with Aria also led to him being more aware of us, her friends. Aria fortunately stopped him from reaching out to my mom. I sat in front of my mirror and I smeared the concealer on my face, it felt like MAC couldn't even hide my under-eye circles. Mom drove me to school, I finished my breakfast in the car. She dropped me off a block away from school. 'When are you going to stop being ashamed of me?' she said, while looking at me pointedly. 'When you buy me a car so I can drive myself.' I answered, I knew it hurt her. But I didn't care anymore, or maybe I did and I was just too tired to care. I dragged my ass to school, Aria and Spencer were already there. 'hey Han, have you gotten any texts lately?' they asked in sync. I shook my head, 'no, have you?' I responded. They shook their heads. 'Emily did though' they said. 'ah' I responded, not knowing what to say. My eyes felt heavy. 'Han, have you been sleeping..?' Aria asked with a lower voice, I shook my head. 'No.., can you tell?' I asked, full of hope. Spencer and Aria looked at each other awkwardly and then back to me. I sighed, I was so done with this bullcrap. The bell rang, we had history. Emily and Alison were already in class, they always were. Like they were discussing secrets every day before class. Secrets nobody else but them were allowed to know about. Maybe it had to do with the investigation on Noel's disappearance, lots of people were thinking now he was dead too, except some of his closest friends, no matter how their parents tried to convince them they were wrong. Yup. Noel. Noel Kahn. I had tried not to think about him, fairly impossible of course. I hated history, it was so boring and this teacher talked like someone who was reading to children. I was bad at history too, so that's mainly why I didn't like it. Reminded me once more that I'm the dumb one. Hanna Banana doesn't know shit, and for that she doesn't get to know shit. I looked pointedly at Alison and Emily. Alison noticed. 'Am I wearing something of oring and this teacher talked like someone who was reading to children. I was bad at history too, so that's mainly why I didn't like it. Reminded me once more that I'm the dumb one. Hanna Banana doesn't know shit, and for that she doesn't get to know shit. I looked pointedly at Alison and Emily. Alison noticed. 'Am I wearing something of yours?' she asked bitchy. I flinched. I shook my head. Alison looked at me and seemed to judge me from head to toe. 'oh I forgot, I don't fit in your clothing' she said snarky, and she laughed. Aria who followed the conversation immediately stood up and walked towards us. 'Ali stop it!' she said, and she turned to me. 'Han, you're insanely beautiful and don't let that bitch tell you otherwise' she whispered, but too loud. Alison overheard it, or she was great at guessing what was happening. 'I may be a bitch, but at least I'm not sluttin' it up with my teacher' she said, pointedly. Our eyes widened. She looked like she was proud of what she'd just said. She decided to add another secret to the mess. 'oh, and I don't think you find me a bitch, because sluts don't kill for bitches..' she said, snarky. I felt my legs become limp, my veins filled with anger, 'okay, how is she a slut when she has a boyfriend? And only sleeps with him?' I said, trying to stay calm. Alison tilted her head. 'You guys are truly cute together, sticking up for one another, how could It be any different though after you killed...' she quit her sentence. Everybody was looking at us, the teacher included.



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