Chapter 43

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Alexandria's POV

I had an appointment with Karen this morning so I was up early, showered and ready long before Matt, Lola or Brian stumbled downstairs.

"Morning." Lola said walking in and grabbing a coffee. "Karen?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yep."

"How's everything going with Karen, and well everything?"

I smiled. "Good." Things with Matt were very good.

"Everything okay?" She asked.

"Every thing is great Lola." I told her, but I was in a rush to see Karen. I'd decided something very important and I desperately needed to speak to her. "I might go." I told her, grabbing my purse. I was a little disappointed, I was kind of hoping to see Matt before I left.

"Okay." Lola said. "See you when you're finished. You coming straight back here?"

"I sure am."

Matt had decided due to the tension between Zack and Brian to have an extra day off, so they were just going to hang around the pool today and relax. I was looking forward to that, spending the day with Matt.

I walked out of the kitchen and stopped. Matt was sitting on the stairs in just a pair of shorts with his head in his hands.

"Um, I'm going." I said quietly.

He looked up and smiled. "Okay."

What was he doing on the stairs. Avoiding me? "Are you okay?"

"What, yes." He said standing up and walking down the rest of the stairs.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." He said, pulling me to him and kissing me lightly. "I'm very sure."

"Well okay." I said, but I still wasn't convinced. "I better go."

"Okay." He murmured kissing me again. "I'll see you when you get back."

"Yes." I whispered.

He smiled and I headed for the door and out to my car, wondering what the heck he was doing sitting on the steps, and I was thinking about it all the way over to Karen's and I was still thinking about it as I took a seat on her couch.

"You okay Alex?" She asked me.

I shrugged. "I'm not sure, Matt was acting a little weird this morning."

"Weird how?"

"He was sitting on the stairs, almost like he was trying to avoid me."

She laughed. "I'm sure he's not avoiding you Alex, he's a man, they do weird stuff."

"Hmm, if you think so." I mumbled.

"Why Alex?" She asked. "What do you think it is?"

I shrugged.

"You think it has something to do with sex?' She said. "Don't you."

"Maybe, I don't know."

"Alex, stop making everything about sex. You've made it this huge deal in your head, you're putting to much pressure on yourself."

"It is a huge deal."

"Alex, stop. Now did you read those books I gave you?"

"I glanced at them." I told her.

"I wanted you to do more than glance at them Alex." She told me. "I wanted you to read them, discuss it with Matt."

"Well I couldn't." I said softly. "But I decided something."

"Why couldn't you? And what did you decided?"

"I'm not sure how to bring the subject up with him, what do I say, "Hey Matt come check out my sex books'."

She laughed. "Oh Alex, yes, something like that I guess, I'm sure Matt wouldn't care."

Maybe he wouldn't but I would.

"So any way Alex, what did you decided?" She asked me.

I stared out the window, not sure where to start. "Well." I said quietly. "I'm going to do it."

She smiled, nodding. "Do what?"

"Sex." I said quickly. "Have sex with Matt."

She frowned. "When did you decide this?"

"I don't know, I've been thinking about it for a few days."

"Why?"

"What is your problem." I snapped. "You've been encouraging me to get over my sexual problems and when I finally decide to have sex you act like it's the worst decision I've ever made in my life." I snapped. I just couldn't win with her.

"No, Alex, not at all." She said. "I just want to know what led to this decision, I mean do you feel pressured by Matt, or what?"

I shook my head. "No, no I don't. He hasn't pressured me at all." I took a deep breath. "I know sex is a big part of a relationship, like you said an important part, and I really like Matt, a lot and well I honestly feel comfortable when I'm around him and I think, well I don't want to lose him Karen and I think, well, I think I'm ready to at least try it."

She smiled. "Alex, that's honestly the best thing I've ever heard you say. You acknowledged how important Matt is to you and you acknowledged how important sex is in a relationship, that's great Alex, really, you're making great progress."

I sighed. "I guess. I mean I'm honestly sexually attracted to him and well, it's just...." I faded off.

"What Alex?"

"I'm not sure how to go about having sex with him." I told her blushing. Here I was, a thirty year old woman and I might as well have been a virgin for all I actually knew about sex.


She chuckled. "It'll happen Alex, when the time is right. I mean you can plan it, but let's be honest, these things never go to plan. Spontaneity is the key Alex, just let it happen."


I nodded standing up. My time for today was over and while she answered my questions I was still anxious about the whole thing.

"Alex." Karen said, walking me to the door. "You're honestly doing so great, I'm glad you've found someone like Matt but please, please don't let this sex thing consume you. Enjoy your relationship and when it happens it happens. Okay?"

She was right. Of course she was right. I was putting way too much thought into having sex and not enough thought into Matt himself. It would happen when it happens and now I was just a little more prepared for it.

I drove home feeling a lot better and I headed out the straight out the back, because I could hear noise coming from the pool.

I walked out the back and Lola and Brian were mucking about.

"Hey." Lola called.

I glanced around quickly. No Matt. "Where's Matt?" I asked them.

"I dunno." Brian told me. "He had an appointment or something."

I frowned, sitting down. That was strange, Matt had never mentioned an appointment to me.

Why did it seem he was suddenly avoiding me?



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