I love you guys

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Hey guys,
I'm sorry for the other day and if I worried you. I was in such a bad place and I spent about an hour squeezing the shit out of a stress ball, screaming, slamming doors and crying and doing everything not to cut. I went to bed to watch YouTube videos and distract myself and I got a massive muscle cramp and ended up not being able to walk. I managed to get somewhere else to stay for the night and I got away to my aunties and she bought me Chinese food and we watched Netflix and ate and iced my leg all night. I spent the whole day with her today instead of revising (oops) and she really relaxed me. I'm so thankful to have her. She never asks why I'm sad or tells me to sort it out she just cheers me up. She knows when I need time and she gives me it.

Thank you for all your sweet words I honestly love each and every one of you so fucking much and I'm so glad to have you. And when you need me I'll be there for you too.

I think my problem is that I bottle up everything until I explode. I don't have anyone to talk to anymore. The friend I used to talk to I'm not close to anymore. And my counsellor thought I'd be fine and stopped my sessions last week and I need them I really fucking need them. I don't want to seem weak but I am. I just need someone to talk to.

I'm still in such a bad place but sometimes writing helps me so I'm going to try and write tomorrow. Although I have masses amounts to revise.

Please don't leave me.

I love you guys

Hannah xx

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