Chapter 11: XO

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***Random fact: Landon has no fucking clue what he wants to do with his life which is not a shocker. Akaashi wants to be an astronaut...aerospace engineer. Yeah. And if you're reading the one shots, please keep them separate from this story because I've changed a few parts. But anyway, enjoy~~~

Akaashi was sad again, but it wasn't that bad. I would wait but I got bored so I sat in his bathtub with him. I'm not going to understand what's so good about sitting in here but Akaashi just likes it for some reason. I mean his bathroom is nice and all, everything is white because that's his favorite color, but he can't just stay here forever.

I just sat with him because I had nothing else to do and was curious about why he would be okay with sitting in the tub. What's so powerful about a tub anyway?

"So why the tub?" I asked as I held my knees to my chest. I could barely feel my legs now. After sitting like this for so long, if I move my legs, I'll feel that weird pain that makes me wish I didn't sit like this. 

"I usually think my problems will flow down the drain." He told me.

I paused for a moment and made a face. He looked at me and wanted to know if I would say anything. I thought it was cute he thought that but at the same time, I guess it helped him cope.

"Poetic." I commented after a second of thought.

He hit my arm but I started laughing even though it was a hard punch. There was a throbbing heat in my arm no later. Does he know how hard he hits me sometimes? Akaashi is too strong for me. 

"I'm serious." He said but I managed to make him smile. "If I lay in bed, I will never get out and I'll still feel crappy." He said.

"So what problems are you letting go of?" I asked, hoping he would tell me. Now he doesn't hesitate to, he just tells me which for him is a large step.

"Well," he thought back. "I don't want college to be the same way as high school was but I don't know what I should do to fix that." He continued.

I waited because he wasn't done. Akaashi pulled his knees closer to his chest and leaned his head on to his arms. I don't want him to cry about it but I wouldn't stop him if he did. Right now he looked plain but if he says anymore about it, I know he will get sadder.

"I don't like feeling self conscious." He said quietly. "I don't like it when people come on to me. I don't like it when people tell me I'm pretty. I don't like their comments, their harassment, or how they want to be around me just because I look cute." He listed it all but there's more, I know it. Those are just the big things that irritate him.

"Tell them." I said but he sighed. "They won't know unless you say it."

"Its just been so long that I thought I could let it go." He said sadly. "I have other qualities right?" He asked and looked to me.

"You shouldn't be asking me that." I said. "You should know yourself better than anyone." I said but its not like that made him feel better. What I want for him is to not rely on me to talk him up. I'm sure he knows how amazing he is. He shouldn't think what others see is more important than what he sees.

"I thought I did." He said.

His biggest weakness is his appearance. His only weakness is his appearance. Nothing else bothers him as much as someone telling him about how he looks, or noticing his body, or his appearance in general. He tries hard to find the right clothes to wear but its not helpful and its not like he can help how his face looks either. He's careful what he does and wears but I guess sometimes, he just gives up. There's only so much he could do to not be notice.

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