Obstruction

Dream a little dream of me

-The Mamas and Papas , Dream a little dream of me -

https://open.spotify.com/track/7ytqdjooPEAa97QSu6NUHS

A couple of days after Christmas Ellen was sat on my bed eating gingerbread and drinking mulled cider. I had just played Ethan's CD to her.

"Izzy. You've got it bad!" Ellen said as the wistful music toned out and Ethan's voice was quiet.

I had listened to it every night before going to sleep.

"I know," I whispered hitting the stop button.

"It's like you are sat in mid air looking at angels and farting rainbows," Ellen said.

I laughed.

"I do not!" I giggled

"Yeah, You do. All I have to do is say 'Ethan' and your eyes glaze over," She teased.

I looked at her.

"Just like that!" She said triumphantly.

"Oh shit... What if I give myself away when he's there? Or when Simon is there? Crap... This is not going to end well," I cringed and hugged a pillow for protection from my own self loathing.

"So what if you tell him you like him?" Ellen asked.

"It is an awful idea. He doesn't like me like that... And then the band will get all awkward and weird and my life will implode in a big disaster!" I said in full panic mode.

"Oh no... We don't want weird. I know what you do when things get weird. You run Izzy. " Ellen said with a dry laugh.

"I don't run!" I claimed.

"You run and you hide. Just like you did with Ben... and then with Eric! I'm sure if he either asked you out or got a girlfriend, you'd be applying to other academies as of next semester faster than you can say fangirl... and you wouldn't look back!" Ellen said.

The idea of him getting a girlfriend.
As in a girl who wasn't me.
Made me bury my head back into my pillow.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I asked.

"Ask Simon to suss the terrain," Ellen suggested.

I shook my head violently. Not even close to being an option. I loved and trusted Simon, but he was still a male of the species and would probably laugh at me. Or go all big brother on Ethan.

"But what does this mean?" I asked waving the cd-cover in the air.

"I don't know, Izzy. It might just be a piece of music that he likes, or maybe you've said something about not knowing anything about classical music. Could be anything," she said with a shrug.

I exhaled heavily.

"You'll be fine," Ellen said.

"I'm already a mess!" I muttered.

"Do you want me to talk to him? Lay down some hints?" Ellen asked.

"No! I know all about you and your hints! It's what landed me with Ben for three months!" I huffed.

"Ben wasn't that bad! You thought he was cute," Ellen laughed.

"Yeah! And then you had to tell him that I had said he was cute so he had to go all weird on me and ask me out!" I pointed out.

"You could have said no," Ellen grinned.

"Yeah..." I replied feeling very stupid about the way things had gone with my first boyfriend.

"What I really want to know is why you slept with him if he wasn't all that," Ellen asked.

"Because he was cute... and funny.. and I wanted to like him," I said, trying to remember why I had been with him in the first place.