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A/N: It will be fluffy, but also sad - be prepared! The Word Count of all chapters together is 1927, just in case somebody want to know.


I was sitting on the couch with JD in my lap. It wasn't unusual for him. We were together for nearly a month now, still we didn't told anybody. Yeah of course he wanted, but I just wasn't ready yet. I still didn't really want to tell anyone, but JD wanted and he just need to look sad and I give him everything he want, maybe not everything, but much stuff. Tomorrow evening we will meet his friends at the usual bar and tell them. I promised JD he can move in official after that. JD already spend most of his time here and if it would mean I could see him more, I was totally in for it. I just couldn't tell him.

Without breaking the kiss I grab the remote and shoot out the telly, I had something much more interesting to do.

The next morning the bed next to me is empty. JD had something on the hospital to do, so he got there early. It was no problem with me. I would sneak a kiss from him, when no one saw.

As my look got on my phone I already saw that I had a message on my mailbox. I know it was from JD He needed to tell me every morning that he loved me.

I didn't hear the message directly, maybe I would loose a patient today and JD wasn't near, so I would at least have his words.

I showered, get clothed, eat the pancakes JD left for me and twenty minutes later I sat in my Porsche and head out to the hospital.

For some reason I thought about everything I didn't gave JD

First there was the dog thing. JD wanted a dog, but I really didn't, I had my hands full with handling him, an animal would make everything more complicated.

Second was a house. He never asked directly for it, but he make comments and I know that JD want to settle down with get children and stuff.

That leads directly to the third. JD wants to marry and adopt children and stuff.

It's not like it's impossible. But it was just a month ago. When time goes by, maybe it could become true, but at the moment it couldn't.

When I see the hospital, I groan. The whole drive to the hospital my thoughts were about JD, again.

Damn, I really love him.

I just told him that three times.

I should say it again.

I couldn't bare it if he thinks I wouldn't do.

I already stand in front of the nurse station.

Damn, again I just thought about him.

I shake my head over myself and then I start my day.

At first nothing special happened I just looked at my patients. But I was disappointed that I didn't saw JD yet. And then it happened.

I got paged, car accident.

I run down to get to the patient, I saw that Barbie would be here first, she just came in. She start to help the man, but I froze. I saw the blood on his face on his body, I here Elliot scream 'no pulse', but I couldn't move.

It was JD and the moment I recognize him I couldn't move, I couldn't think except about him.

At the moment JD was out of my sight, I could move again at least a little bit. Like a robot I go in the doctors lounge and lay down on the couch. And right now I just needed JD's words, so I got my phone out of my pocket and hear the message.

"Good Morning, Perry. I wanted to ask you if I could move in on Saturday, because I need to be out on Sunday. Isn't a problem, yeah? But whatever I love you, Perry, see you in the evening." "Dr Cox, are you and JD together?", I hear Carla's voice from the door and turn around she looked slightly shocked. I just didn't had the power to fight with her or to ramble about how impossible that is, but all I do is nodding.

she looked shocked, but i didn't care. I bury my face in my hands and that's when she says "Don't worry he's now in surgery, he will be fine."

5 stages of grief - JCox (boyxboy)Where stories live. Discover now