Chapter One

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"Darling, don't cry. I will miss you so much. Don't worry, I promise I'll be beside you forever okay? I love you so much and see you again soon. -Mom"

Five years passed, when my mom died due to a car accident. She was about to fetch me on school, but sad news she had been bumped by a big car crash. That day would absolutely be, the worst day of my whole life. She's the only one who cares and loves me, my dad doesn't love me. He used to tell me that it was all because me, it was all my fault. I should go back home by myself. But the reason is, my mom wants to fetch me because she wanted to split with my dad. My dad is the worst maniac ever. I was born with full of hesitations and violence. I only want a complete family and a loving father. When I was 4, my dad was so violent to me. He points me with his gun and his knife, threatening me. Thank God, my mom was there to defend me. But he stil a maniac and violent father.

I used to cut. I always cut when I feel worthless and when my dad keeps telling me the old times. I cut my wrists severely, but sometimes I feel physical pain. When I do get emotional, well as always, I don't feel the physical pain I am recieving when I cut. I was 13 when I started to cut, 13 was the worst year of my life. I get bullied over school, because they see my cuts and I don't actually dress fancier, than ever.

Right now, I just finished my exam in Geography. That was my favorite subject as ever, I'd like to visit places and stuff. I want to explore and see through all the different cultures of different tribals. But I know, I will never experience those. I got an A+ on my exam, and I am really proud of it. I hope Mom's proud of me right now, since the only thing she wants me to do, is to graduate and pass all of my exams. My book, my earphones and my iPhone, those are the most valuable things in my life. I don't get to socialize with others, it's because they don't want me. Well, I'm used to that.

I was walking on the road, and all I could hear is the music from my earphones, which was actually Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. It was my favorite song, Demi's life just like me. But I wouldn't be as pretty  as her, and I won't have the future that she has right now. I took a sip unto my ribena fruit juice as I continue to sing with the song. But, I hear screams covering up the song, It made me really annoyed. I plug off my earphones to check what's happening. 

I see fans and more fans over the whole barricade, and I see a fancy tour bus inside it. I took a look on it, but I cannot see anything. I was covered up with fans screaming and shouting. Until, I found out that it was One Direction. All I could ever ask for is to meet them, but I will probably die first. I see Harry waving at his fans on the left part of the scenery. He looks really good, he was with his beanie and some skinny trousers. Well, I would probably not the number one fan who has a lot of merchandises, and throwing money all over concert tickets, but I swear in my heart I love them so much. As screams go louder and louder, I see Niall went down the tour bus. He was my favorite. He really seem so cute and carefree, and he's irish too. I like Ireland, I like every country. He waved at my section, letting my mouth grow a smile. He was with his snapback, raybans and his ultimate sneakers. I love those sneakers, I wish my dad would buy me one.

I went out the noisy crowd and find my way back home. It was partly sunny but cold here in UK. Well, I think only in Manchester. I live in there by the way. I plugged my earphones back to mine and I started singing again. I was walking and walking and I didn't notice that I was about to enter the house. I unzipped my bag and look for my keys, but I didn't get the chance to open it. Someone unlocked it. It was my dad, he was with his knife again. I don't know what happened but all I need to do is to cover myself up again and after all of it, I needed to cut. 

He threw me to the couch and start yelling at me. "I heard from your teacher that you'll have consultations in Geography, what the fuck happened Lilly?!" Dad yelled. "But dad, I just got an A plus in my Geography exam." I told him back as polite as I can. "Don't fuck with me, Lilly. I got a phone call from your school!" I don't get it. Mrs. Thompson was really happy about my score but what? "But dad!" I screamed back. "Don't fucking raise your voice over me, Lilly. Get your ass out of here, I don't want to see your ugly slutty face!" Those words came from his mouth while pointing the knife directly to my eyes. I never look back, I just took the ways to my room and shut it, leaving it locked. I grabbed my scissors and cut not once but twice. I panicked and I grabbed my hand towels to cover it up, but the blood keeps flowing. I am literally crying right now. I cannot think of anything but to die. Death is my life saver, I know it sound really ironic but it's true, for me. It was just, my dad won't appreciate the things that I did for him to be impressed, but it'll cause more damage to my dignity and my freedom. I opened my computer and opened tumblr, I took a photo of my cutted wrist and posted it on my tumblr. Don't worry, no one willl react on it. No one follows me, and I follow no one too. I hate to see my teardrops on my table, it reminds me of ugly I am.

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