He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter 10: New Beginnings

     It was April of last year when I found out. I had just gotten home from school and Emma had dropped me off. I was walking up to the front door when I realized I'd left my key in the house. I had had a small moment of panic until I remembered my dad was already home from work. Dumb me. I was about to knock on the door when I heard what seemed like something falling over. "Dad?" I called out through the door but no one replied. I glanced around my front yard, and was beginning to feel paranoid like something bad was going to happen just because I'd heard a noise. Yup, I'd been watching too many horror movies. I shook my head and laughed at myself as I walked over to the window looking into my living room. I put my hands to the glass and peered inside trying to spot my father. That's when I saw him. And that's when I saw her. My dad had some middle-aged woman pressed against the wall and they were making out. She was wearing some slutty outfit and her hands were tangled in his hair. The moment of being grossed out at seeing my dad making out with someone had long passed because this was a woman that was not my mother. She was in our house! My eyes found the lamp then that they had knocked over and that had caused the crashing noise. I backed away from the window slowly, disgusted, appalled and unbelievably shocked, my hand covering my mouth. I knew my parents were fighting but not this. I had caught my dad right in the act. He had the gall to bring her in the house that we all lived in. We were supposed to be a family! I had fought back tears, thanking God that Phoebe was still at school. I continued to back away from my house and decided to take a walk. I didn't even know where I was going. I just walked. I couldn't go inside my house and face the horror that was taking residence inside. How could my dad do something like this? After a while, I had ended up calling Emma to come pick me back up and I stayed at her house that night, crying and wondering if my whole family was a lie. It was all one big fat lie. We only appeared to be a family, but we clearly weren't. Everything was a mess. Nothing has been the same between my dad and I since that day, and it never will be.

     Everyone was watching me as I reached out in front of me, then contracted back and fell into a jazz split. I rolled over on the hardwood floor, reaching my hands out in front of me as if trying to pick up pieces of a broken picture that held memories I'd desperately wanted back. I back rolled back and slowly rolled up, pressing my hands up against an invisible wall around me and pretended I was trapped. Sometimes I felt like I was. I continued with a series of turns, almost splits, and sote' jumps and put every feeling of anger and emptiness I had into the dance. I ended in a pose of being crouched into a ball and I looked up and smiled with relief that it was over. "That's it." I said and my class and Mrs. Croft politely applauded me. "Thank you Katherine." Mrs. Croft looked at my fellow dancers then. "Comments?" Daisy, a short and petite blond and the best dancer in our class I thought, spoke up first. "Katherine, I was really impressed with that. I feel like I saw another side of you. It seemed really personal." I felt my eyes filling with tears as I remembered the feelings and thoughts that had gone behind my "anger study" dance. Mrs. Croft had assigned us the project at the beginning of last week. I'd been nervous at first but after what happened with Shon and Nicole, it was pretty easy to feel angry and expressing it through movement was easy. "Thank you." I smiled warmly at her and returned to where I was sitting before I'd been called to perform my piece. Sharon told me she loved my choreography, and Amanda said she really felt something watching me. I sat there in a bask of compliments and it felt amazing. Who knew that with everything going on I could turn it into movement and become a better dancer at the same time? Being so distracted by everything lately, I'd felt my focus slipping. Maybe I wasn't going crazy after all. After everyone else performed and the bell was about to ring, Daisy walked up to me and tapped my shoulder. "Hey you." "Hey, what's up?" "Sorry...this is weird. But I just really liked your dance. It felt so honest to me, I don't know I just felt like I could relate to it." I smiled big at her, "Thank you, it means a lot. Coming from you anyway." She looked at me curiously then, "What do you mean?" I looked at her like she was insane. "Oh come on, don't tell me you don't know what an incredible dancer you are." She looked down at the floor and I laughed. "Don't be modest, Daisy you're amazing! At least admit it." She giggled as we walked out the door. "I will do nothing of the sort. But thanks." We continued towards 4th period then and it felt nice to talk to someone that I didn't feel was going to so easily stab me in the back. I tried not to think about Nicole. "What do you have next?" she asked me suddenly. "Drama." "Aw lucky you. I'm stuck with chemistry." "Oh!" I exclaimed. "Good luck with that one." We laughed as we parted into different hallways. "See ya!" she waved at me and I smiled. I'd only talked to her a few times this year, but who knows? Maybe we could become good friends. After all, with Nicole betraying me and Shon leaving, I really needed someone else to talk too. Plus I wouldn't have to constantly bring up Adam, because unlike Emma, Daisy has no idea of the boy that enchants and haunts my thoughts at the same. Speaking of the devil, as I walked into drama he was standing by Nicole's desk chatting with her. I stopped in my tracks and tried not to stare. I smiled at the girl that sat behind me and tried to ignore them. Just not being able to help myself, I glanced at Adam who quickly smiled at me with a quick, "Hey!" before returning his attention to Nicole who turned to glare at me. I genuinely looked hurt and gave her a look as if to say, 'How could you do this to me?' She just shook her head and continued to ignore me. There was something else going on, there had to be. A friend doesn't just change her entire attitude towards you in a day That doesn't happen unless something else is going on right? I wondered if it had to do with Adam. I wondered if he had told Nicole that he was a gifted singer or if that was still a secret that remained between the two of us.