~How can you see into my eyes like open doors? ~Without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold. ~Wake me up in side, call my name and save me from the dark.


The dirty lanterns hanging strangely immobile from the tree’s, even in the picked up wind, successfully lighting a haunting yellow glow along the pathway of the hayride and setting up the errie mood of the short Halloween adventure that was to come.

"This is so much fun!" Aunt Sarah burst out excitedly, clutching Andrews skinny bicep and leaving me alone at the corner of the wooden carry-on. Too busy to notice her attempts to try and cuddle, Andrew continue to make a sour-puss face at the filthy sign that hung over us reading, "Welcome to Hell," in crooked red letters.

I snickered under my breath. That un-sanitized hayride was Andrew's virtual hell.

Stereotypical scary music began to play and the tractor congested in front of a small stage, cutting the engine with abruptness. The small stage was set up to appear like a little girls room, with a small pink bed beholding a frilly pink comforter, pink walls with little daisies along it's wallpaper, and a prominent closet door that nestled at the far end of the girl's room.

The girl lying in the bed in pretend sleep looked around my age, dressed at her part as an innocent child, with her blonde hair up in pigtails, curling gently like a halo around her pillow, and a bright dress that matched the frilliness of the comforter she lay on. In her hands lay a giant teddy bear that resembled my lovable teddy bear had it been blown up in size, Mr. Wiggles.

As I observed the stage there was a solid knock on the girls closet. “Momma, is that you?” the actress promptly asked. Nobody answered. She squeezed the bear to her chest. “Momma! Help me! It's here!”

The “Mom” aka a beefy guy dressed as a Mom threw open the door by the girls bed, holding an unlit, fire-safe cigarette between their over-caked lipstick lips. They wore a huge unflattering dress, a blonde wig drier than the hay of the farm around them, and massive heels that pointed out the fact that this "Mom" had some unsightly hairy legs.

.“What do you want from me, Suzie!" the Mom's falsetto voice shouted out. "This is the fifth night you have woken me up!" To my disgust, the guy actually picked at his crotch before the girl could answer.

Drag Queen Mom? This is scary already.

“Momma! I'm not lying! There’s a monster in my closet! It knocked on the door again!” The girl screamed in response, clutching her teddy bear to her chest in an adorable way.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever! I'll check for ya', kid." The Mom stomped over to the closet door and opened the door wide, highlighting the fact that there was nothing in the small closet with large arm gestures. "See? No monster! You watch too many movies!”

The Mom hen turned around to face her daughter on the bed, shaking her head and putting her hands on her hips. A guy in the scariest clown outfit I’ve ever seen stuck his head out the closet, covered their mouth in a silent laugh, and held out a knife that looked pretty dang real to me.

The girl on the bed screamed. "It's there! It's there!"

The clown leaped back into the closet before the Mom could turn around.

With a growl, the Mom left the door opened and began to walk towards the girl. "I've had it up to here with these imaginary monsters, Sam!" They held up their hand over their hay-haired head and continued to rant.

From the opposite portion of the stage the clown silently opened the door and tip toed out, putting a finger to its exaggerated lips. Although I had been holding it in, I began to wriggle in my seat at the terrifying sight of the clown; one of my biggest fears.

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