Liam: I need u soo bad rite now (Y/N). I miiiiiiiiiissss u!!
You: I miss you too Li and I love you, but why are you texting me at 2 in the morning?
Liam: The boys n I r at a club and I miiss u!!
You: Um, have you been drinking Liam?
Liam: I need you soooooooo bad bby! I’m so hard 4 u!!
You: …. you’re drunk, aren’t you?
Niall: I’ll lift you up, I’ll never stop ;)
You: Niall… babe… how many drinks have you had?
Niall: Only a few… but I could still take you to another world babe ;)
You: I think you’ve had more than a few drinks Niall…
Niall: … possibly, but I’m still horny as fuck
Louis: I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME, YEAH
You: Babe, Niall had beer at his house, didn’t he?
Louis: I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME YEAH
You: Okay, how much have you had?
Louis: I WANT YOU TO SUCK MY DICK AND LET ME LICK YOUR SWEET SWEET FOLDS
You: Oh my god Lou…
Louis: I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME, FUCK ME, FUCK ME...
You: Get home safe and we’ll see…
Harry: bbe i need ur pussy
You: Harry, have you been drinking?
Harry: i need u so so bad babe. i need ur sweet pussy
You: Liam’s sober right? Can he bring you home?
Harry: is that a yes?
You: Have Liam bring you home babe.
Harry: its a yes!!
You: … we’ll see…
Zayn: babe, you up for breaking some tables?
You: Zayn, where are you?
Zayn: m at the pub with Nialler, but ur better for breaking tables with me than he is
You: … you’re drunk aren’t you?
Zayn: i’m not THAT drunk!
You: I think it’s time for you to come home…
Zayn: Time to break tables?
Yeah, a little carrot-y… but I like them… I had a little too much fun with the Louis one though