You're my goal

Chapter 15

*Ashlyn's POV*

"Are you crazy!"

"Quite more than usual, yes." My hands browse through the rack of dresses in front of me. My eyes can hardly identify one from another as they skim through my hands.

I can feel Sav's eyes piercing me from across the room, an unusual occurrence that I'm not used to.
I continue to file through the rack in front of me- not daring to make eye contact with her. Not if I'm trying to maintain this cool demeanor.

"What's wrong with you? Why didn't you invite Tyler to the ball?"

She stands there staring at me as I hold my gaze on one dress, a light blue shade of gray. Why didn't I invite Tyler? Because you invited Sal. Why did I invite Sal? Because you cancelled plans with him the other day. And I couldn't invite him to something else and still do this with Tyler? Maybe. And how is Tyler feeling about this? ... Hello?

"Hello? Hey Ash, what's wrong?"

I look up to her and see a pained expression cross her face. She quickly moves to me, holding me. Why is she doing this? I feel a few wet drops on my neck and twist my head to look at Sav. Is she ok?

"Are you ok?" She asks, revealing her face. She wasn't the one crying. So... I'm crying? I lift my hands from the dress allowing it to disappear back into the rack. My hands run over my face smearing more tears than I ever would have imagined to be present. Down my face, on my shirt, in my eyes. I used the back of my hand to rub my eyes, clearing my blurry vision I that didn't notice before, and rubbing the tip of my nose that tickled from one suspended  tear drop.

"Ash please say something." Her voice was urgent, finally giving me motivation to make any sound so she knows I'm comprehending her.

"Are you mirroring my expression? Is that what I look like?" I say in what I believe to be a hushed tone, slurred a little from the strain in my throat.

She shrugged at me with a small smile, "I mean I guess. You always knew me to be a little too empathetic."

"Always wearing other people's emotions."

"A tendency you tend to have also."

I drop my gaze from her and begin pulling at my hair. "What's wrong with me?"

"I think things are a little too hectic with the World Cup. Especially for you, team captain." She nudges me with her elbow as I remain standing motionless, unmoving, and expressionless aside from the absently provoked tears and the red blotches I know to accompany them on my face.

"No, I mean why do I do this to him?"

"I'm not quite following, Ash." She cranes her neck to meet my eyes that are casted down towards my feet.

"Tyler. Why do I do this to Tyler. I already told him he'd get sick of me after a few months- me and this indecisive nature I wear. So he shouldn't be surprised, it's not my fault."

I take a breath and let it go, one that is big enough for me to manage to release all these words. All these words that need to find an order to make sense to someone else besides me, but sometimes that's just too much effort to sort out.

"So one day, I know I love him. I know that he's my best friend and id never want to lose him, never want to hurt him, always want to be here for him. And other times I don't want anything to do with him, I want to be alone, and not having to rely on anyone. Let alone neither of those are particularly bad, only the feeling I get- the need to act on them. I don't want to pull him into this and cut him out."