Chapter 16

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Alexandria's POV

I snuck quietly down the stairs. I didn't want to wake Lola, it was too early. I hadn't been sleeping well since, well since I last saw Brandon and once again a bad dream had woken me up.
I walked into the kitchen and put on some coffee, it was all that was keeping me going lately, the coffee. I was just so jumpy and frightened all the time and it was tiring, so very tiring.
I snuck over to the entertainment room, popping my head in. I smiled. He was sound asleep on the sofa, mouth open, arm hanging off the edge. He hardly ever went home, so into his games and I smiled, I felt safer with him around anyway.
I closed the door quietly and went and made myself a coffee. I sat down, looking at my phone. Lola got the screen fixed for me, but I hadn't turned it on yet, I was to scared, because I knew he would have been calling and last night, I thought I saw him out on the street. I didn't want to see him, I never wanted to see him again.
I looked up as Matt walked in the kitchen, pulling his shirt over his head.
"Coffee?" I asked.
"I'll get it." He mumbled, grabbing a mug.
"You should move in." I said smiling at him. "You've been here for days."
"Yeah I know, sorry." He mumbled.
"I bet you'll be glad when your screen arrives?"
"Ha yeah." He said smiling. "You working today?"
I nodded. "Yeah." I didn't want to work, I was tired. I was just tired of everything really.
"Well after today you have a couple off so that's good." He said.
I nodded smiling, it was nice to have somebody who actually listened to what I said.
"Oh and Lola told you about Monday right?"
I nodded again. They were going to be recording a new album and Lola had asked me to come down to the studio to watch. It was kind of exciting to me because I'd never been to a studio, but more importantly, I'd never heard the guys play yet. I'd been meaning to listen to their music, I just hadn't gotten around to it.
"You're coming down? You have days off right?"
"Yes I'm looking forward to it."
"Good." He said smiling.
I smiled back, looking at him. He really was an attractive man and I wondered for a second what it would be like, him touching me. I had a feeling it would be soft, gentle.
"I have to get ready." I said jumping up and knocking my coffee over.
"Oh shit." He laughed grabbing a cloth.
"I'm so stupid." I mumbled, shaking my head.
"It was an accident Alex." He said. "You go, I'll clean it up."
I headed upstairs, getting in the shower. Once the water started so did the tears.
I just didn't know what I was doing anymore. Brandon always told me what I was supposed to be doing and before him, my mother and father would. Now I couldn't help but feel a little lost.
I cried harder. What sort of a person did that make me? I felt lost, lost without Brandon telling me what to do. But apparently according to Lola it wasn't normal, my relationship wasn't normal, I wasn't normal.
I turned off the taps, grabbing my towel. Nothing about my life was very normal apparently.
I wiped my face. I needed to get over it, but I still couldn't help but look over my shoulder everytime I did something, I couldn't help but jump everytime I heard a loud noise. Maybe I needed to see somebody, talk about stuff. I appreciated everything Lola and the other's did, but there were just things I couldn't tell them, things that I didn't want anyone to know.
I got dressed and went back downstairs. Lola was up and her and Matt were sitting in the kitchen talking.
"Hey." Lola said smiling.
I smiled, grabbing my keys and my bag. "See you this afternoon."
"I might be out okay." Lola told me. "But I'll lock everything and set the alarm."
I glanced at Matt, not sure how much he knew. "Okay."
"I'll be here, don't worry about it." Matt said, smiling.
"Of course you will be." Lola laughed.
"Well I'll see you then." I said walking to the door.
I opened it and I noticed Matt had followed me. Great, Lola had told him, I just knew it.
At least now I knew why he was being so nice. He was being nice to the poor girl, poor Alex who'd been abused.
I slammed my car door. I kind of wished everything was back the way it used to be, before Lola moved in, before I knew any better.
God, what was wrong with me?

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