Not Even Death Can Come Between Us (3)

Chapter 7: Scared

A light knock sounded on his door. Caspian straightened himself and said "Come in." Eliana entered her father's study, skipping happily.

"Did Mummy have the baby?" She asked, looking right past Caspian's bloodshot eyes. He sighed deeply. What was he going to tell her? And how could he tell her anything without letting his true hurting show? It was one thing to break down in front of his wife, but an entirely different matter to do so in front of his little girl.

"Eliana, honey, we need to talk about the new baby." He said, picking her up and resting her on his knee. She tilted her head questioning him with her shining hazel eyes.

"Is it a girl?" She asked.

"Yes, but Ella, the baby wasn't supposed to be born this early, and because she was she's not healthy. The nurses are doing all they can but..." He couldn't tell her the horrific possibilities.

He searched his mind for the right words but before he could finish Eliana spoke up. "Will this baby die like the last one?" Her voice was soft and full of innocence.

Caspian hung his head and swallowed hard. "I don't know." He admitted.

"Daddy?" She asked after a moment of threatening silence. "Are you scared?"

"What makes you ask that?" He wondered, not knowing how that had to do with anything.

"Well, most other girls think their daddy's never get scared, but I think you do."

"You do?"

"Yes. You get scared 'cause you love us so much and you don't want anything to happen to us." She explained.

Caspian let out a single huff of an airy laugh. "Well, then yes, I do get scared, very scared sometimes."

"But you're still brave." She said with admiration.

Eliana wrapped her little arms around her father's neck and Caspian couldn't help but smile.

~

Later Caspian headed back to the room to check on Susan. She had been fast asleep all morning and he hadn't had a chance to talk to her. He was alarmed to find a number of nurses bustling about the room and swarming around Susan's bed. "What's going on?" He asked.

One of the nurses stepped aside. "Your majesty, your wife is not well. The early birth of your daughter wasn't good for her either. She-she's very sick. We're trying to help her."

"No." Caspian shook his head in disbelief. "No!" With that he ran from the room.

He clambered down the stairs, out the door, onto his horse, and galloped him as fast as he could go. He didn't know exactly where he was running to, or why he was even running. Maybe he thought that by leaving the source of his troubles behind he could escape from it all, because at the moment he felt as if his whole life was crumbling down on top of him and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He had already lost one child, he couldn't lose another, and he surely couldn't bear to lose his wife on top of that. The nurse hadn't said it was that serious, but still, he expected the worst.

He didn't return to the castle till after nightfall, and when he did he was immediately greeted by Peter who scolded him for running off without warning. Caspian wearily apologized then dragged himself up the stairs.

He was headed down the hall to his study, where he had been sleeping on the sofa in order to give Susan all the peace and quiet she deserved, but stopped short and turned back toward the bedroom. A single nurse was in the room placing a damp cloth over Susan's forehead.

The room was dimly lit by a single candle on the bedside table. The nurse shuffled towards the door, bowing her head when she approached Caspian. She shut the door softly behind her, leaving Caspian alone with his sick, sleeping wife. He crept towards the bed and, careful not to make too much racket, pulled up a chair. He sat hunched over with his arms rested on his knees. Finally he reached up and took hold of one of her pale hands. He grasped it gently in between his own two hands and lowered his forehead to them.

"Susan," he whispered, though she did not hear. "I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I had everything figured out, life was wonderful, then the events of last fall hit..." He hung his head and closed his eyes, watching the awful memories replay in his mind. "And now this." He sighed. "I can't stand to lose anything more, especially not you." Now his mind flashed back through a series of events. The moment they met, their first kiss, her departure, her return, their wedding, and the many wonderful days that followed. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." He whispered, biting his lip. Though Susan was sound asleep, Caspian could've sworn he felt her hand give his a tender squeeze.