Chapter 21: My Glorious Drug

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October 5th 2015

I didn't see Silver at all for the rest of yesterday. In a way I was both relieved and sad. He made me feel so many things at once- I needed time to think all of this through. So that was how I spent last night, staring at the ceiling in Kate's guest room, not knowing what to do, yet unable to sleep.

I came to this conclusion: he and I were a conundrum. He made me feel alive- yes, but with that, he awoke feelings in me- I couldn't understand and felt were best locked at bay. Silver was like a drug that I knew I could only get more hooked on, now that I had a taste I wanted to feel the high again. But like all drugs, the later effects would be much worse than the small highs and pleasures felt now. He made my heart explode and implode- contradictions just like us. In ways we were the perfect cliche: the nerd and jock. But at the same time,  a completely unlikely pair; we were bound to have our fair share of issues: for starters we were a gay a couple- that is not going to go down well with Silvers adoring fans. So the question is: is all of the pain and heartache at the end worth the high now?

As you can imagine those thoughts kept me up most of the night. Finally I fell into a restless sleep, grateful that my dreams were not consumed by grey eyes,  like many previous nights before.

I woke up late as usual, but quickly showered and got dressed. Thankful that now I was able to get a lift to school with Kate each morning. After a quick bowl of cereal we were off. In the fast effort to get ready on time Silver never once crossed my mind. That was until he stood, leaning against his black mustang, smirking as we arrived at Kate's usual parking space.

I slowly climbed out of the car, trying to maintain my now racing heart rate. Though all attempts were futile. Silver began his slow pursuit to Kate's car, almost like a predator ready to pounce on its prey. I just stood beside Kate's passenger door, transfixed watching each of his movements. There was no use in looking away, I couldn't take my eyes off of him nor did I particularly want to. In the early morning light silver's eyes shone a bright silver with grey and black flecks- then it clicked- in order for me to see that closely at his eyes meant he had to be close. Yup, he was now standing a mere few inches away from me yet somehow that seemed too far.

He cleared his throats then released a sultry "morning" hmmm, I could wake up to that voice any day. Come on Noah snap out of it. I felt the color rise in my cheeks as I mumble a "good morning" back at him. Pull yourself together Noah! Don't be a dork right now!
"So how are you?" He asks, obviously enjoying my discomfort.
"Good, good" I reply to quickly. "You?"
"I will be if you answer yes to my next question..." He says smirking once more.
"Oh, okay. What is it?" I ask sheepishly as a thousand possibilities cloud my head. Maybe he regrets yesterday? Maybe he wants me to leave this school? Or maybe, just maybe he wants me to be his boyfriend? I can't help but silently pray it's the later. He finally brings me out of my thoughts as he begins to explain.
"I want to go out with you tomorrow. On a real date, where we get to hang out. But if I want to be romantic I can and if i want to kiss you I can. I know we hung out last Friday but that wasn't intimate enough- I want an official date. Where any awkwardness falls under the normal boundaries of first date awkwardness not because we are two guys unsure of what to do. I'm not saying we are going anywhere down the line- I honestly don't know. But I'd like to try and see if there is a possibility for us. So what do you say: will you go out with me?" As he spoke more and more his cocky demeanour faded and was replaced by the shy and sweet Silver I loved. Loved?- wait what?! Anyway, once he was done I was able to release the breath, I was unaware I was holding in. I look at him, I see the question and insecurity pour from his eyes. I take another deep breath, yet my voice seems to be failing me. I could explain to him what I was thinking yesterday. How I'm confused as to whether this is a good thing- how I know he is a drug that could potentially be the death of me. But as I open my mouth to explain this,  those aren't the words that come out.
"I'd love to go on a date with you. I thought you'd never ask. So tell me will it be a casual or formal affair?" What the hell Noah, I guess fate chose for me. We are going with this- with us, no going back now. But as I see the concern erase from Silver's eyes I know it was the right way to go. He looks so happy and I made him that happy which makes me happy.
"Not too formal. I plan on it being a surprise so just where what you would be comfortable in. I'll pick you at six tomorrow then.." But before I could reply Silver was gone rejoining his friends. After a few moments I begin my slow descent towards school.
"So what was that all about?" Kate says, sneaking up from behind me as I  enter the school building.
"Oh, it's a long story, Kate"
"I have time" she assures me as she hooks our arms together. "I always have time for my boyfriend" she says with a wink.

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