XIII

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"What?" My voice comes out weak and shaky.

He bites his lip and avoids eye contact with me.

I feel the heat rise in my chest. A mixture of anger and sadness blows through me like a hurricane.

I just look at him completely speechless. His eyes are filled with hurt and sadness as well.

I feel my voice tremble as its coming out. "H-how long have you known?" I ask.

He shakes his head and puts a hand on his forehead, rubbing it in frustration.

"How long?" I repeat, my voice coming out stronger.

"Since the beginning." He chokes out.

I burry my head in my hands and try to figure out how to react or how to even respond. I just sit in silence and fight back tears.

"I should've told you sooner...." He begins, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Hell Yeah you should've! I just told you how I've built up walls to protect myself from getting hurt like I was when my parents disappeared, and now that I've poured my soul to you, when I haven't done that with anybody else, you decide to tell me you're leaving too?" I demand.

He just looks at me apologetically.

"I was going to tell you... and to be fair, you just now told me about how you put up walls to protect yourself from stuff like this... I wasn't about to interrupt you and just blurt out 'hey, by the way, after this is over I'm never going to see you again. Continue.'" He says.

I sigh as I realize he's right. It's not fair of me to hold that against him. I probably would've done exactly what he did in this situation.

I'm pissed beyond belief, but I get it.

"You're right... I can't hold that against you... I just-" I stop and look at him.

"When were you going to tell me?" I ask softly.

He closes his eyes tightly before looking at me. "I was going to tell you the night I first met you. I just... I couldn't"

"Why? Why would you keep that from me? Why would you let me get attached just to let it all go?" I ask desperately trying to read him.

"Because I didn't want you to block me out, okay? I wanted to get to know you. You're not like anybody I've ever met Teal. I couldn't..." He stops himself and my heart aches.

I close my eyes tightly and a tear falls. He tightens his grip on my shoulder and hesitantly pulls me to him for what seems like the hundredth time tonight.

"So I'm just going to have to let you go?" My voice is shaky as I let the tears fall.

I've known him for hardly a few months for shits sake, but I feel like I can't live without him in my life. He's a great friend.

I've told him things I have never told anybody. I've been so vulnerable. I let him into my life in a way I never would have with anybody else.

I know him.

I know he's done the same with me. He's let walls down that were put up a long time ago.

It hard for him, but it's hard for me too. But he is right. If I would've known I wouldn't have let myself become attached.

I feel a hot, wet liquid land on my head as well. Is he crying, too?

"Please keep our promise we made today... Please don't drift away from me now that I've told you... No matter how bad it will hurt later." He asks.

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