Goodbye Letters

6. Theadora

a/n just a warning to my readers, I'm not real happy with how this turned out. I don't think it seems to cary and specific meaning or point throughout and that seriously agrivates me! I decided to just post it and move on and rewrite it later... maybe? but anyways....

Thursday, January 24th, 2013 – 2:00PM

                        I’m a bit depressed I guess. I really shouldn’t be. I have everything in the world to be happy about but something in me, the devil I suppose, is nagging and causing me to find all the reasons available for discontentment. Reasons to be happy though, its best I list them, right? Then maybe explain the wrong feelings? I’m extremely happy because mom is doing much better! She hasn’t lost the baby and although technically she’s not going to be out of the water, so to speak, until the baby is safely delivered in our arms it is encouraging to have her at 14 weeks. She hasn’t made it this far in a very long time. We let her S L O L Y …okay, S L O W L Y (apparently my spelling gets worse when I capitalize and draw it out, I mean, really, how pathetic, sloly?? :P) so, she gets to slowly walk to the living room and sit in her lazy boy because she gets tired of sitting in bed all day. The midwife came Tuesday and gave her her orders and I’ve kept her well supplied with raspberry tea, iron, and well, strange thought… what if years from now it’s a grandson or something reading this. Like HE’s going to want to know all about mom’s pregnancy in detail? :P So, we continue to have hope and keep praying that God brings this baby safely all the way. Dad has been doing pretty well with it all, it’s especially hard on him being gone all day at work and relying on me and Katie to make sure mom obeys orders; not that she wouldn’t, goodness knows she would NEVER be reckless with her history in pregnancies. Drew is working more hours now. He spends lots of time with Adam ministering to the youth around the area. He keeps telling me that it would be the perfect opportunity (warning: we’re moving on the depressing stuff :/) once I graduate to help with the women and girls like he does with the guys and, well, I’m thinking about it but, you know how important writing is to me and IF I actually get parental permission to work or do something outside of the home I’m kind of leaning towards a paying job. Which, well, I am really struggling with this because part of my heart is like ‘NO go help the hurting women, teens and girls in your city’ and the other part is pulling towards ‘go get a job, you can always donate to help out AND with an income you’d also be able to publish your novel…get more money, donate more money, and etc.’ It kind of makes sense, like maybe I’d be reaching more people that way, maybe I could even fit both in? Drew does, he helps in ministry and works for the lumber company and… obviously I’d have to find something other than the lumber company but, it is doable, right? I don’t know, like I’ve said, I don’t even have my parent’s permission yet and we’re all more concerned with keeping up around the house so mom doesn’t stress then we are about my finishing school and.. moving on. We’ll see what happens but that is what has gotten me in the depressed mood. It has got to be the devil… Its January, I shouldn’t even be worrying about graduating yet! Unless I use it as motivation to actually work on my school work… which is depressing, and then gah!!!! I’m stopping! I am going to go and help Katie with her music. ~Thea

Theadora sits at the piano with Katie and watches her little sister work through her scales. She looks up from the fingers running up and down the keys to the face calm and at peace. How does music do that to you? Theadora wonders.

Music is Katie’s escape, her natural solace. Any time she is anxious, upset, hurting, or excited she’ll sit at her baby and play. She’s still learning music but most of what she plays is by ear. She makes it up as she goes sometimes or repeats things she has heard. The rest of the family can judge her mood by the music she makes. Right now she’s running up and down all the minor scales. As she moves on from the scales she weaves music filled with dissonance.