Sister Of My Soul

Chapter 2 Part 1

The yellow plastic seat shifted, a loose bolt causing me to list to the left. In one corner a few toddlers sat mesmerised by a looping video of Disney songs. The usual antiseptic smells pervaded the room, mixed with a shot of Glade Springtime air freshener.

Hands in the pockets of black cargoes, I slouched against the wall, praying I wouldn't see anyone I knew. It was unlikely. Instead of taking me to the local clinic where Mama was the morning receptionist, she had hauled me to the public health department in Columbia. I guess she didn't want to be recognized either.

It took about forty-five minutes before my name was called. I was shown into a cubicle where they took my vitals and asked some generic questions. The woman filling out my forms was perky and cheerful in the way of a sadistic dentist eyeing his next extraction. It was a relief not to have to strip and put on a robe like I'd been afraid of. Instead, I was given a handful of foil wrapped wipes and a plastic cup with my name on it in black marker. I headed to the Ladies to do my thing.

We retired to the waiting room and by the time Hakuna Matata had looped back around a nurse with a more suitable grimace escorted us to a cramped office in the back. She motioned for us to take seats while she scanned the results of my tests.

"My name is Nurse Witherspoon." She reached across the desk to brush skin in that feathery clasp some people call a handshake. Her palms were moist and I tried not to think about where she might have had them recently.

"Alright, Shenique, your tests do show that you are pregnant. We estimate about seven weeks, based on the information you provided, but of course, you can't be sure until you've had an exam. Negative for STDs, but an exam will also give you more insight there. We only test for two of the most common."

Heat rose in my face.

"We could do the exam here, but Mrs. Devereaux, you've indicated that you would prefer to be referred to Planned Parenthood?"

"Yes," Mama replied, "I know they have services that extend beyond what you can provide."

"That is correct." Nurse Witherspoon addressed me and in spite of her rigid expression and clinical voice, I saw compassion in her faded eyes.

"Shenique, you have a lot to think about. The clinic at Planned Parenthood will explain your options and assist you in understanding all alternatives. Normally, they require an appointment, but I've spoken with my colleague, Dr. Rowling, and she has an opening at 10:30. She has agreed to see you today."

I sat there mute, looking to Mama.

"That would be wonderful. The sooner, the better."

"This is your referral," she slid a pink paper across the desk to me and a blue one to Mama. "If you'll just initial here, Mrs. Devereaux, and sign at the bottom, you can be on your way."

We gathered our things and prepared to make our way out the door. As I turned to leave, the nurse laid a hand on my arm.

"Think carefully on everything Dr. Rowling tells you. You have a difficult decision ahead of you. Make sure you fully understand the consequences of whichever choice you make. Remember, the decision is ultimately, yours."

I nodded and Mama grabbed my arm and towed me out of there with a huff.

We clambered into our SUV, Mama still muttering.

"Don't know who she thinks she is, talking over me like I'm not even there." She turned the ignition over, but the engine sputtered and rasped. "Of course you'll make the right decision, and I'll be right there with you. Bet she never even had children..." She pumped the accelerator a few times and held it to the floor. The engine coughed up a black ball of smoke, then rumbled to life.

It was only a few blocks to the PP clinic and we only had to park a block away. I popped quarters into the meter and trudged along behind Mama to a beige brick building with tall arched windows. Cool air blew across me as I entered, a respite from the sweltering August heat.

We didn't have to wait nearly as long this time. Dr. Rowling's assistant took me to a decent sized room where she laid out the dreaded backless apron I was to change into. Dr. Rowling came in--an energetic, bustling woman with short cropped red hair. Her cat's eye framed glasses were stylish and she smiled as she introduced herself.

The exam wasn't as bad as I'd expected and the doctor talked me through all of it. Blood was drawn and I found myself getting excited as she spoke about the baby's size and projected due date. The ordeal was over more quickly than I had expected and I was left to clean up and put my clothes back on.

Back to the naugahyde chair and another round of questions. I was clueless about all the procedures involved in having a baby, but since Mama had borne and raised three, I was content to leave things in her hands-- until I was given a document to sign.

I was about to scribble my name on the upteenth sheet until one phrase caught my eye. Destruction of fetal tissue. I started at the beginning and read the document through, though I could see Mama fidgeting with the straps of her purse.

I felt my eyes trying to pop out of my head and looked up at her with pain in my heart.

"What is this?"

"It's a formality, saying you agree to the clinic's disposal..."

"But I don't agree! This isn't what I want, Mama. You didn't even ask me if this was what I wanted!" My voice rose and she shushed me, her face pinched.

The redheaded doctor frowned.

"Mrs. Devereaux, I was under the impression that an abortion was an informed decision for your daughter. Are you telling me she didn't know why she was here?"

"No, I didn't know. I thought this was where I had to come for prenatal care. You know, an ultrasound, vitamins, advice on raising a child." I was shaking so hard spit flew onto the side of the desk as I spoke.

Mama pressed her lips tight before answering.

"Shenique, how do you think you're going to raise a baby? You're not much more than a child yourself. You're still in school, got no real job and apparently, no daddy to take care of this child. The best thing you can do for all involved is to wait until you are financially and emotionally stable enough to care for a baby."

"You didn't even ask me. This is your first grandchild and you want me to flush it away like it's nothing to you! LeGrande might even change his mind, and then what? It would be too late!"

"He didn't even answer his phone when I called him. Even if he changed his mind, he still couldn't support the three of you."

""How do you know? He could go full time with his job. Even if he didn't want the baby, I can't believe you'd try to trick me into..." I stood, rage making my heart pound.

The doctor coughed. "I can see you have more to discuss before making a decision. Shenique, take this. Inside there is a great deal of information to help you make an informed choice as well as a listing of agencies to turn to whatever that choice may be."

She handed me a folder printed with the Planned Parenthood emblem and I snatched it with a hushed thank you before storming out of the office.

"Shenique Aliyah Devereaux..." I heard my mother's furious hiss as she trailed behind me to the street. I refused to stop or slow until I got to the car and leaned against it, storms in my eyes until the locks disengaged. Snapping the seat belt into place, I turned as far away from her as I could and shoved my earphones into my ears. Skipping over the folder of LeGrande's songs, I rested my head against the window frame, ignoring her tirade.

Truth is, I was scared and hurt, unsure what I wanted or how I would manage, but the one person I thought would always have my back had turned into a stranger between one breath and the next.

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