"What Would Happen"

I open my eyes, but I'm not sure what I'm looking at... I try to remember what happened; a green flash just after the horrific moments of waiting for death to run over me. Death... The word felt terrifying moments ago, but now it's kind of odd. Reaching it is strange too, and I know it's happened. It was how I was told; painless like Sirius said, and fast like Remus promised — I'm glad I asked, no matter how it sounded at the moment.

But something is wrong now because I'm still there. The image before my eyes is still as shocking; me, lying on the grass facedown, not moving. At all. As if I've been dead for months, even years. If I wasn't seeing that body by my own eyes, I'd think of myself as a living person.

But how am I still... here?

I'm not really sure what I am. I'm there, and I'm not...

Dead, but alive...

Neither but both...

- Part One: Lost -

 "My Lord... my Lord..." Bellatrix's voice rings into my ears. Then muffled footsteps running on the grass... whispers and anxious mumbles... no rejoice?

My eyes open, slowly, and then they lock at the body in front of my standing feet; the sight is too shocking to take in, so I try to remember what happened: A green flash just after the horrific moments of waiting for death to run over me and it was how I was told; painless like Sirius said, and fast like Remus promised — I'm glad I asked, no matter how it sounded at the moment. I try to recall seeing them, but it's just a blurry image; I realize I can't really focus on anything happening before now. Thinking of it is like trying to remember a dream...

And something is wrong because I'm still there. I can't take my eyes off the body; me, lying on the grass facedown, not moving. At all. As if I've been dead for months, even years. Seeing myself that way is almost as scary as walking to this place. If I wasn't seeing it by my own eyes, I'd think of myself as a living person.

But how am I still... here?

I always thought these things don't really happen. I thought the only way you could still (only for the lack of a better word) be in this world after you die, is to decide to come back as a ghost, which Nearly Headless Nick seems to regret doing. I remember him telling me this himself but even the ghostly face of Nick is unclear in my head...

The confusion is getting to me.

I didn't decide to be a ghost. At least I know that. That's why I don't dare move a muscle, because I'm not really sure what I am. I'm there, and I'm not...

Dead, but alive...

Or neither.

I barely feel my weight.

"My Lord..."

"That will do,"

My eyes finally break away from the dead Harry and find Voldemort getting to his feet; the crowd of Death Eaters back away from him. Their eyes rush between my direction and Voldemort's. But they're not cheering, which is odd. Voldemort doesn't look happy or even satisfied as he's only gazing to this way with what can be a frown. It all adds to the strangeness of everything, including me. I don't know if Voldemort's wide red eyes are zoomed at me on the ground, or me standing upright. Even Bellatrix seems to be stupefied. She reaches for her master.

"My Lord, let me --"

I never paid attention to the way she looks at him before.

"I do not require assistance."

Bellatrix backs off almost immediately, but the worry is still apparent on her face.

They all gape this way in silence for a moment.