I laced up my boots as I watched him put on his uniform. He was beautiful, the most amazing sight I've ever seen. I couldn't wait until we were off duty tonight so that I could get what I had been waiting for all day. Right now it was just sex, but soon I knew it would be more. I was feeling him, and I know he was feeling me too, it was only a matter of time. Something was holding him back, I just didn't know what. We had been friends for years, but he was never completely open with me. He always wanted to keep things private, like his love life, and his family life. People here didn't even know we were messing around, and I guess it doesn't really matter. They don't need to know, but I want him to let his guard down because I wanted to claim him.
"What are you over there looking at?" He said looking over his shoulder as he lifted his collar up.
"The amazing view" I said getting up and nudging his shoulder
"I look good?" He asked
"You always do."
"You want some bad later don't you" he asked and I nodded "Well you can get it." He said and I leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the lips.
*later that night*
I laid my head on the pillow beside him placing my hands behind my head and I watched him settle into the bed before he looked over at me
"What?" He asked
"Nothing." I said shaking my head. I really did want to have a serious talk with him, but I didn't want to pester him. I know he didn't want to have this conversation, but we've been messing around like this for a year, and I felt like it was unfair for him to string me along like this. He knows I'm catching feelings, and I want to see where this goes, but if he doesn't feel the same, then he needs to let me go.
"Just ask me what you wanna ask me Jamal." He sighed
"I mean, you already know what I'm gonna say. What are we doing?"
"Come on" he groaned rolling over, already annoyed with this conversation, but I pulled him back onto his back
"No, you need to listen to me. I'm tired of this Elliot. We've been messing around for months, you can't tell me that this is just sex." He sighed looking up at the ceiling quietly. I was about to speak again after a long pause before he beat me to it.
"Look, I'm sorry okay. I don't want you to feel like I don't care about you, it's just, I've never felt like this. I'm not supposed to feel like this." He said and I sighed.
"Elliot, it's not like you have a sickness okay. If you like men, you like men, if you like both, then okay. But don't put yourself in prison trying to make yourself feel like you're wrong for having the feelings that you have, it's not your fault."
"But, there's other things, I do this, I have to tell my family, I have to tell my girl. She'll be"
"Excuse me, did you say your girl?" I asked cutting him off and he looked over at me shocked showing that he had mistakenly told me this news.
"No. Is that what you said? Are you in a relationship?" I asked as we both sat up and he ran his hands down his face, a habit that he did when he was stressed or under pressure. I nodded knowing he didn't want to tell me the truth and shook my head getting up from the bed and he jumped up after me