I woke up in the morning feeling empty rather lonely. It has been decades at hanggang ngayon hindi pa ba ako sanay?
This has been my set-up since I turned what? 13? Me being taken care of other people instead of my own parents.
Dapat nga ay sanay na ako! Pero minsan..nope! Scratch that, everyday, I dream of having a mother or a father waking me up, cooking me breakfast, kissing me goodbye before going to school, attending my school program or getting my school card.
I sighed. What am I thinking?
Sa sitwasyong meron ako hindi iyon mangyayari.
I am a product of a broken family. My mom and dad got separated when I turned 12.Hindi lingid sa kaalaman ko na pinasasanay na nila ako noon na kay mom or dad tumitira. Then it just happened na kinausap ako ng isang judge asking me to whom am I comfortable with.
I did not answer.
I kept my silence.
Sino bang may gustong mahiwalay sa kahit sino sa mga magulang? Sino bang hindi gugustuhin ang kumpletong pamilya?
I don't know what happened then. Ang alam ko ay wala namang dahilan para maghiwalay sila or it's just that maybe they are not making me aware of it.
Nagtuloy ang ganoong set-up. Me with mom every mwf, kay dad naman ako every tth. Saturday and Sunday, I go alone with my nannies. Hanggang sa nakasanayan ko na ang nanny ko na si Nanay Belen at family driver namin na si Tatay Domeng ang parating kasama ko.
It lasted for a year and when I turned 13, I was able to burst out all of my frustrations about the set-up. Umiyak ako sa harap nila. Begging them to stay with me.
I was bullied. I had a low self-esteem. Kaya noong araw na iyon, I blurted everything out. But it did not make anything to stop them from separating.
Nalaman kong bubuo na ng ibang pamilya si mommy. And dad, has another family. Matagal na pala niya iyong itinatago sa amin ni mom. It was the reason why their relationship became worst.
And up to now, I live in an exclusive condominium at Pasay. Mag-isa. Nanay Belen and Tatay Meng are here every morning to attend for my needs.
I am a certified outcast from my own family. How many Christmas and New Year's eve do I have to find a place to either of their families? Nakakapagod rin pala.
Instead of thinking a lot, I prepared myself for my routine. I am going for a jog. Dati kasama ko si Pochie, my chihuahua, sad to say, my dog died last month. Forever alone talaga ako.
After I washed my face, I heard my phone rang.
"Prim--"
"Bruha! Ang tagal sumagot ng phone! Kaloka!"
"Problema mo?" I set my phone to loudspeaker. I tied my hair to a pony tail.
"May chika ako!" Tili nito.
I rolled my eyes.
If there is one reason why I never felt suicidal, iyon ay dahil mayroon akong Primadonna Escalera, my bestfriend.
"Is it worth my attention?"
"Err bitch! I know this is! Wait! Teka lang ha, I'll call you later, may incoming call ako." She said after dropping the call.
Napailing nalang ako.
I stared at my face through the mirror. Inayos ko ang earphone ko for a sound trip.
I brought a bottle of water.
As I went out my unit, I stop for a moment. I noticed the unit just infront of mine. Matagal ng walang tumatao dito but I felt weird feeling that someone is in there already.
