Broken vows

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It's been a week sense I found the earring in my room that doesn't belong to me.

The feeling of jealous and anger is completely gone; now all the feel is numb.

Making him breakfast and kissing him goodbye as he leaves for work makes my heart still beat fast just like it did a year ago when we first got married, but now it also beats quickly because I don't know where he goes during the day.

Does he go to work? Or does he meet up with a girl and.......

My mind fills with a buzz of thoughts, but I can't shake them away; slowly but surely they are crushing me into sand.
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4 months later

I wait at home like usual for him to come back, but I don't have it in me to tell him straight out that I know he was with another woman.

I hear the door open to the apartment and he shuffles inside.

"Honey?" He calls as if I'd be gone.
"In the bed room." I reply, still sitting in the same position as when he left this morning.

To numb to walk, to eat, to think and to feel; just wanting the man I call my husband to love me like he used to, if he still loves me at all.

He opens the door and walks in, avoiding my eyes and hiding the lipstick stain on his collar.
Her perfume radiating off of him like the smell of rain on the pavement.

I listen to him brush his teeth and then feel him get into bed with me. He drapes an arm over my legs and nuzzles his head in my lap.

Old memories of us while we were still so young play on the back of my eyelids as I close my eyes to shut the tears away.

But I have to ask him; I can't handle this much longer.

"Chris..." I say, my voice a little cracked from all the crying I did while he was out.

"Hmmm?" He hums on my legs.

"Do you still love me?" I barely get out the words as I trail my fingers through his blonde curly hair.

He sits up now and looks me in the eyes. "Your my wife, why wouldn't I love you?!" He asks as if I've hurt him.

I look down at my hands as I rest them in my lap, "just because we are married, doesn't mean you still only want me..... That I'm enough."

He gently goes to grab my hand, but I move it away as if his touch will burn and break me; which I'm positive that it will.

"What's wrong?" He asks sitting up and looking at me with those eyes like he actually cares.

I shake my head, "it's nothing."
I lay down and turn my back to him while I flip off the lamp, as I let silent tears roll down my face, there evidence absorbing into my pillowcase.
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1 month later

As I finished the laundry and cleaned the house, I make some coffee and packed him some lunch.

Little did he know that a small bag in my closet held all that I need to leave this place.

I walked back into the bedroom and sat next to him as he slept; my memories helping the tears flow down my cheeks and my heart breaks with every sweet smile, he smiled at me.

I run my fingers through his hair one last time before walking away; I set a note down next to the cup of coffee I made him, hoping that he'll get it.

With quite steps I walk to the door, tears still falling and my heart continuing to shatter I walk out the door and down the hall, down the stairs and through the streets.

Becoming just another face among the crowd, though mine is soaked in pain and heart ache as my body moves sluggish and numbly to the bus station.

I look at my watch and see the time, he is up by now and is walking around.
Getting a ticket and standing in line, I look at my watch again, by now he is dressed and wondering where I am.

I get on the bus and take my seat, I pull back my sleeve and look at my watch, by now he is sitting at the table with his coffee in one hand, my letter in the other.
I close my eyes as more tears fall and Len my head back Against the window.

My own words filling my head now as I read along with him of my break lovers letter.

"Dear Chris,
I don't know what happened and I will probably never know, but I can't take it anymore. I know what you did and I saw it for a while, the clues and hints where no mystery at all. I don't know when we stated keeping secrets, but they are what's suffocating me and I'm breaking; yet your gone all the time so you don't see all the times that I cry.
Your love for me I don't think exists anymore. That is why I can't stand back and watch the man I'm so deeply and completely in love with fall for other girls. I'm not what you want anymore and it kills me to think that I was your everything before. I don't need to hear the truth now, I don't need you to come find me, I don't need a hero; because what I needed this whole time was for that boy who loved me more anything to show me he still existed, because the girl he fell in love with never once  left his side.
                                                Love Your wife,
                                                          Ellie"

I put my hand on my chest and try to stop the ache and the squeeze, but it's no use because this is what happens when your heart is literally breaking because of love.

It hurts this much because our love was real.

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