California Kisses *30

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I told you I would upload soooonnn :)

So yeah hiiii guys I’ve got another upload for you. This one is slightly longer than the last and you get introduced to a couple new bits of information and a bit more drama (though nothing like the last chapter haha)… but yeah I’m not gonna say anymore except I hope you enjoy it and keep your votes and comments coming in please :)

Xoxoxoxox

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Feeling guilty sucked big time.

Well it did. It was as if someone was continuously punching me in the stomach and it was constantly making me feel sick, but not the kind of sick that you can actually throw up.

I guess you could say I deserved it really, but did I really deserve to be made to feel guilty for this long?

I know I know what I said was wrong, but I kind of meant it didn’t I?

Well I didn’t exactly mean it about the whole moving out thing… and maybe Josh wasn’t that bad of a pain to live with…and he wasn’t intentionally taking over, I think…

Eurgh there was no point. I was in the wrong and I knew it; I had every right to feel this crap. I just wish Josh would talk to me and let me explain.

He hasn’t spoken to me since the incident on Sunday. Well, he’s said a few words, but only when he had to, like when mom asked both of us to clean out the pool the other day and he asked me for the time. It was awkward speech. I could tell he wasn’t ready to speak to me but really how much longer did he need?

He didn’t even sleep in my room anymore. He made up the bed again on the couch and has slept there all week. So he was blatantly avoiding me then…

I’ve said I was sorry many times! Even when we passed in the hallway I try and talk to him but he’d say he was busy and then totally ignore me! I didn’t like this. This wasn’t the old Josh. I never thought I would say this but I actually missed the old Josh! I missed the annoying, arrogant, stuck up jerk of a player, and I missed how he would always manage to get on my nerves with every annoying thing that he did. I missed the old Josh. I wanted the old Josh back. I just wish he would listen to what I had to say for once! I could explain that I didn’t mean any of it, it was just Carrie and Lee trying to provoke me.

But I did mean a little of it right? About the not liking him? Because I do like him, just not like that right? I didn’t like him right? Right?!

Argh! Why was everything so messed up in my life lately I just needed answers from everyone!

And since tonight was the night of mom and Ryan’s wedding rehearsal it seemed that I wouldn’t be getting my answers any time soon.

All week things had been strange, and I don’t just mean with me and Josh. Things had been strange for everyone. Mom and Ryan keep having “not so subtle” secret conversations that coincidentally stop every time I walk into the kitchen or the living room and Matt had been overly protective of me all of a sudden. Like, it was weird, at school he would be all over me and I wouldn’t even be allowed to walk anywhere without his arms wrapped around my waist. At some point whilst walking to class I’m sure I felt his arms tighten around me and Josh’s eyes roll as soon as we passed him in the hallway. It was just weird, I mean yeah it was nice I guess but for him to do that all the time? He never used to do that.

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