I love you.
But do you mean it? Do you really mean those 3 simple words that would make my day? Does anyone really mean them nowadays? Or are they just saying them to get what they want? To get ahead?
When Ty told me those three words I believed him. I gave him my virginity and then he never called again. Did I do something? Was I not enough? Was I not pretty enough? Was I not light enough? What's wrong with me?
I was mindlessly scrolling down Instagram. Trying to past the time, when I came a cross a picture. A picture that broke my heart then tore it into pieces. It was a picture of Ty and his supposed ex girlfriend. It was a collage with four pictures. The first one, in the top left was of them kissing. The next was him behind her smiling holding her stomach. The bottom left was a sonogram and then the last was of him kissing her belly.
What....what is this? Are they back together? Is she pregnant? What does this mean for us?
I quickly exited out of Instagram and went straight for my call pad dialing up Ty. I was surprised that he actually answered.
"What's good? You need something?"
"Um...so your back with your girlfriend?" I asked getting straight to the point.
He signed before saying "Yeah we back together. But me and you can still kick it you know."
"B-b-but I thought you said you love me and we was going to be together"
"Nah, I don't remember saying all that"
"What? But y-"
"Look yo I gotta go. But I'll hit you up if I need something" He said before hanging up in my ear.
"But Ty---" he was gone.
I cried that whole day, thinking my life was over. The boy that I loved and gave my V-Card up to just...dissed me.
Maybe if I let him fuck raw then I could've gotten pregnant and he would've stayed with me. But would that have worked? Me trapping him into having a baby? I mean Janelle obviously did it. Why can't I?
"Goddess baby are you okay?" Grams asked from outside my door.
"Yes! I'm fine" I managed to get out. Although deep down inside, I really wasn't fine. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself that I was....I wasn't.
The one person I thought loved me turned his back on me and got back with his Ex. Maybe they where never broken up. She was constantly still calling and texting his phone. But he just brushed it off and called her pressed.
Of course like a dumb ass I believed him. Because I thought he loved me. I thought we where going to be together forever. The power couple.
"Okay baby, dinner is almost ready" Grams said before I heard her feet shuffling away.
I got myself together. My makeup was a mess so I just wiped it off all together. I stared into the mirror at me...the real me. Without all the makeup. I didn't like what I saw at all. I didn't feel pretty.
There's a saying...one I don't like so much. It goes 'In order for someone to love you, you first have to love yourself' is that true? Is that really how that goes?
I have to love myself to find love? I tried loving myself, I really did. But it just doesn't work out for me.
Maybe if I got some work done I would feel pretty. You know...looking more like them video vixens or someone.
"Goddess!" Grams called.
I took one last painful look in the mirror before going downstairs.
"Can you set the table please. We're having a guest over" Grams said taking something out the oven.
"A guest? Who?" I asked.
Damn she could've told me before I took my makeup off.
"Just a family friend. Please set the table. They'll be here any minute"
I grabbed the dishes and set the table up. Right after I was done the doorbell rung.
"Have a seat. I'll get it" Grams smiled.
I did as told and sat down. While I waited I decided to check my fake twitter page. Like always it was jumping.
"Goddess" Grams said making me look up and lock eyes with a tall chocolate brother. Damn!
"How you doing" He spoke. His piercing brown eyes staring a hole into mines.
"Goddess this is Quincy, Q meet my grand baby Goddess" Grams smiled taking a seat.
"It's nice to meek you" I faked a smile. Shit! Grams should've told me his fine ass was coming. I would've put some makeup on.
"You too" He smiled. Is that a dimple I see?
"How have you been?" Grams asked.
I zoned out the rest of there conversation. I wanted badly to go upstairs but I stayed.
I feeling a little uncomfortable under his gaze. He was staring. And every time I looked up at him he wouldn't dare look away. He would continue to stare.
He probably think I'm ugly.
I thought as I looked away.
"Baby he's talking to you" Grams said as she nodded towards Quincy.
"I was saying that your really beautiful" Quincy smiled.
"W-what?" I asked caught off guard.
I wasn't expecting that. Maybe he wants something from me.
"Oooh I'm not feeling so good. I'm going to go lye down. You got the dishes right baby?" She asked liking towards me.
"Okay, and see Quincy out will ya. It was nice seeing you. Tell your grandmother I said hello" Grams said giving Quincy a hug goodbye then walking upstairs.
"A thank you would've been appreciated" He smirked.
She left me here with him.
YOU ARE READING
Trying to love yourself in a world thats constantly telling you not to. Constantly getting compliments but when you look in the mirror all you see is a UGLY face staring back at you. Looking for love in all the wrong places. "Baby girl pick your...