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Pen Your Pride

eyes are too blind your heart can see

53 7 9

Franks p.o.v

"What are you doing?" I hear ray ask jump at the voice turning around from the shelf. I throw something at ray.

"Don't fucking do that." I whine as I come off of my little latter because I'm fucking short.

"Sorry. But I have the hat for you " he says handing me hat with tay jardine signature.

"Thanks." I put it on the glass shelves.

"So you and Brendan huh?" He asks wiggling his eye brows.

"No."

"Come on! You didn't even kiss him?" He insists.

"No I didn't."

"Frank-"

"Are you going to tell me I need to get laid again but no."

"You haven't had-"

"We didn't. I've never had sex I told you this."

"Frank."

"Stop brining it up. So what I'm a virgin. Me and Gerard where too young and I'm not gonna sleep with some random person and have it mean nothing." I say holding back tears. I never has sex with Gerard. We always talked about how on the night if our wedding it would be our first time that never happened. And ray keeps telling me I need to have sex but I don't I'm perfectly fine the way i am.

"I'm just saying...... You need affection in your life and Brendan what's to give you that. You keep saying your gonna live your life for two hell I am too. But Gerard wouldn't want you to be like this. He'd what you to love. Just try and give Brendan a chance? You never know what could happen." After that he leaves. I sit down and take out my laptop and ear phones. I open my laptop putting in the disc that says.

Gerard two

The carma shows 15 year old me laying on his bed with headphones on. The camera is moving closer.

"Frankie." Gerard whispers. "Frank." He says a bit louder.

"What?" I ask as i sit up on the bed.

"Say Hi to the camera frank."

"Hi to the camera frank." I repeat I laugh a bit at my stupid humour.

"Okay. What day is it?"

"It is July 23rd. Why?" I ask. Even I still remember this July 23rd the day we shared our first kiss.

"You don't remember?" He asks that quiver of sadness in his voice I knew too well.

"No no please don't cry." I say as I take the camera. Little me sets it on the dresser. But some has it still has us in the shot. "I'm sorry. I've been caught up in trying to write my part for early sun sets." I pull Gerard into s hug. His body us shaking. God I felt so bad on that day. I'm shushing and whispering into Gerard's ear trying  to get him to calm down. But you can see the realization in my face. "Two years ago we had our first kiss." I say and Gerard gradually stop crying. He looks at me.

"We did. I'm sorry I'm making a big deal out if it."

"Hey it is a big deal we kissed in this day two years ago so this day is important. I'm sorry fir not remembering." He kisses me. Then the camera goes off. But turns on again and its Gerard sitting in front of it.

"So give me all your poison and give me all your pills
Your running after something you'll never kill
If this what you want then fire at will." He sings. I start crying. I haven't heard him sing in a long time. "I've been work on a song. I don't know if it's good or not. I'm think of calling it thank you for the venom. I dunno. Franks sleeping. I can't. Just one of those nights I guess. So I though why not record it. You know I still wonder why Frank is with me. I'm a mess. I mean I take three different pills for depression and insomnia. I tried to end my life. I would have died if Frank didn't jump after me and save me. I owe him my life. He doesn't know this but I'd die for him. He's the only reason I'm living. I'd do anything for him. My mom says I'm head over heels for him and I am. Everything he does is so perfect his face is beautiful his playing makes me swoon. His laugh makes my heart skip a beat. His voice makes my knees weak. He's perfect in every way. Then me the depression ridden suicidal kid he's for some reason dating I'll never know"

"Because you were perfect." I say in a whisper out loud as I watch this.

"I should get to bed. If I stay up all night Frank will get upset. I'll talk to you later. What am I saying this is a camera." The camera is shut off. I close my laptop and wipe my eyes.

"Are you okay?"i look to see Brendan standing in the door way if my office. I shake my head. " do you want a hug?" He asks I nod. I stand up and walk into his arm. Hugging him tightly. Maybe ray is right. I need to live again. I need to love. Move on.

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