TRIGGER WARNING; ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND DEPRESSION
I awaken to terrible sweats and tears dripping down my face light beaming through my blinds. I squint and frantically feel around the bed for Phil. All I feel is a cold dent in the bed where he was sleeping.
"Phil!" I scream out almost crying. Phil bursts through the door looking worried.
"What's wrong?!" He shouts staring at me wide eyed.
"I..I couldn't find you." I say with beads of tears and sweat on my face.
Phil walks over and hugs and kisses me. His kiss, it made me feel like all the worries and cares in the world had disappeared. "I was just posting on twitter why we were both MIA. I just said that we had experienced a loss of a very close family member. I only left the room because I wanted to let you sleep."
"Oh.." I say weeping into his arms. "Phil, I really feel like I have nothing left to live for. Like I don't want to go on anymore. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to sleep, eat or make YouTube videos. I don't have the strength to go on anymore."
"Don't talk like that Dan!" He shouts in tears. "Don't talk negative!" He sniffs.
"I love you Phil." I weep. "I'm going to take a shower and then start organizing for mum's funeral."
"Okay. Don't let this depression take over you. Not like the last time.." Phil squeaks anxiously.
I go into my room and pull my clothes out of my drawer. I frantically feel around at the back of my sock drawer and pull out a small snap-lock baggy with two small blades in it. I've kept them since I was 15.
I pull one out and stick in between my teeth and walk to the bathroom. I run the water to heat up the shower before I get in. I roll up my sleeves and look at my scars from so long ago. It's been nearly 10 years since I've done this..
I take in a large breath of air and slit downwards from the top of my hand almost all the way to my elbow. I let out a sigh of relief but a small whimper of pain as I watch the blood drip down into the sink. I make several more cuts and begin to see the colour drain from my face.
I step into the shower rinsing the blood from my arm. Even though the water is just making me bleed more. I step out and dry myself off. I pull a bandage and dressing from the mirror cabinet and dress my wounds feel ever so light headed.
I wrap a towel around my waist and go to my room and drop my towel quickly getting dressed. putting on a long sleeved shirt so Phil couldn't see my arm. If he ever found out that I was cutting again he would be so upset. I quickly pull up my pants then my trousers and Phil bursts through my door.
"You really think I wouldn't know Dan?!" He opens his palm revealing my blade I left in the bathroom.
"Fuck!" I stop my foot. "It's not that bad Phil." I say anxiously trying to be reassuring.
"Oh yeah?" He says annoyed at me. "Show us your arm then."
I roll up my sleeve only shoving him the bandage with blood seeping through it. Phil looks at me he can the colour draining from my skin.
"I feel dizz-.." I say but cut off as I fall to the floor drifting in and out of consciousness. I black out.
I panic looking at Dan wide eyed as he falls flat on the floor. I look around
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I say to myself. "Do I take him to the hospital myself or call an ambulance?! FUCK!!" I pick Dan up and prop him over my shoulder and carry him to the car laying him down in the front seat putting pressure on his arm trying to stop the bleeding.
I speed down the road. Looking for hospital signs. I see one turn left at round about the sign says. I turn left around very sharply. At this point I'm in hysterics, I pull up outside the emergency room and pick Dan up still placing pressure on his arm.
I practically shout at the nurse at the front desk. "Look, hes self harmed and its very bad hes bleeding alot and he passed out and I don't know what the hell to do!" I sniff with tears rolling down my face.
A doctor wheels out a bed and I put Dan down on it softly. Please make him better I plead the doctor. I sit and wait in the waiting room rocking and pacing all day and it begins to get dark. I impatiently walk to the desk and ask to see Dan.
The nurse says it should be okay to see him but I shouldn't freak out because Dan had a blood transfusion and was on IV fluids and a nebulizer to help stabilize his breathing. I run to his room and look at him sleeping so sweetly. I was so relieved he was okay.
I decided to sit in the arm chair beside his bed and wait for him to wake I was laying there for about four hours and got tired so I just ended up dosing off next to him holding his hand.
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Phil's Kiss *ON HOLD*Fanfiction
Phil is Dan's rock and has been for a very long time... Dan is falling apart slowly.. will their love survive this emotional joyride? TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.