I want to cry, but I can't..

28 6 3

So much shit has gone down today.

I can't even describe it.

But I'll try.

I woke up late.

Almost missed a Doctor's appointment.

But I didn't.

I got there and almost cryed at what the doctor was saying to me.

Then I was kidnapped.

Well not really.

But it felt like it. 

What I'm saying is that most of my day was spent outside at an apple orchard.

It was okay at first.

But then my sister started screaming.

And the corn maze..

And more screaming..

And all the people.. 

I broke down more than once.

But I put a fake smile upon my face to please my mum.

I cried so many times.

And went into some deep soul searching trance.

Where I realized I'm really just trash.

And that I really miss my dad.

And my Grandpa.

And my family being together.

I miss my childhood.

But I don't want that life back.

I like my life now.

But I hate it. 

I was told no to get a dog.

Do you know, how long I've wanted a dog?

Okay I have a dog.

But it's more like a big rat.

It's a chihuahua.

But do you know how long I've wanted a big dog?

5 years.

5 years, bitch.

That's a long ass time.

Finally found one that meets all our criteria.


Short hair.

In Minnestota.


I mean for fucks sake it was spaded and all that jazz.

But no.

Those neighbors won't allow it. 

Those bastards.

I just want someone to cuddle with at night..

I want so much to hug someone.

And have them tell me everything is going to be okay.

I have nobody to do that.

Not even my friends who live near me, who I actually see most of the time.

They wouldn't do that.

One, doesn't do feelings.

One, I'm not that close with.

And the last would get mad at me and say she's not a lesbian.

That last one has a hard time with my bisexuality... 

Yep fantabulous. 

3 Irl friends that live my state.

I'm so good at making friends.

One of my many flaws, I like to cry about.

My mom made me drive around the neighborhood.

Which terrified all the ever loving shit out of me.

Then finally got back home.

Watched the new episode of mlp.

And broke down into whimpered tears again.

God damn it was terrible.

I think I'm hallucinating things.

Weather it be good or bad. 

Only time will tell.   

But I can't go anywhere any more.

I can't enjoy myself anywhere.

I can't explain that though. 

I would be the only to really understand.

I feel sick now. 

And I can't force myself to cry.

The hand of truth hates me.

How many times must I praise you? 

*Hisses* Love me...


I need sleep.

I'll be okay in the morning.

But really I won't be.

Good night/Good day



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