On a String

Chapter 18

Hindsight was bittersweet indeed. It presented a lesson for the next time, but also was a dream for what could never be.

He may not ever be free again.

Because Cole had lied to himself.

He'd said he was ready for this. That he'd hold them back, play the hero, get Kai to safety and save the day.

("LIAR!")

But nothing, nothing, could've prepared himself for the moment when Kai had begun to back away- his footsteps getting softer and softer as his feet pounded the ground further and further away.

Cole would never forget that sound. It was the sound of abandonment.

(But he'd been the one to set it up... the catalyst...Did that mean he had abandoned himself?)

He hoped not.

Grimly, he kept pulling on the triggers like they were some sort of lifeline. But everyone, eventually, runs out of rope and it wasn't long until the weapons clicked under his fingers.

Empty.

The rope was cut, his one defence gone. It was over. He blinked once, as if waking from a dream.

(It should have been a dream.)

Wishing to be anywhere but this pale clearing, watching the shadows in the trees move, he wiped several droplets of sweat off the side of his face. Now, he regretted listening to the sudden, desperate urge to fire until there was nothing left.

Because there was nothing left- nothing good, anyway. Fear and pain had destroyed what good was left in this graveyard. Around him, fragmented shadows hung from broken trees- the trunks closest to him had taken the brute of his shooting spree. Shattered leaves and tree bark stained the ground, reminding him of the blood on the carpet in the house.

The earth had destroyed the very thing it nurtured.

(Walking away from the very thing that survives on- survives for- you)

Mother and child.

From under half closed eyelids (weary, defeated), he made out several figures walked across the clearing.

All identically dressed in black- they could've been attending a funeral.

Paying respects to the dead.

He felt his heart clench.

Kai, please tell me you got away. Please save yourself. Please HEAL yourself. Please save Ninjago. Please... please...don't let what I've done be for nothing. I don't think I could take that.

An image of Kai's terrified face the day he returned flashed through Cole's mind.

...What if this made Kai worse?

("No! No no no! Cole, it burns! Pleasepleaseplease...")

Worse?

Was there anything worse than madness and pain? Kai was clearly already there... so, what lay beyond that point?

(Did he really want to know?)

How much could one person take?

And, and-

His main, unspeakable fear. He couldn't think it, couldn't touch it.

But it was still there.

Kai's suffering and madness and pain...

Would-

Would Cole...become that?

Would madness and torture and pain and burning and death make his life in the same way it had Kai's?