Chapter 16

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I woke up with a jerk, checking my surroundings to see where I was. Luckily, I was back in my bedroom, which meant it had all just been a dream. Except the fact that it hadn't. It was not a dream, it was a memory just like the last time I dreamed of Louis and I's past. Unlike that time however, this was a memory I had totally forgotten about, and maybe that was because I barely paid attention to him when he talked to me that day. I had been too caught up with my own stuff to notice that he was hurting from my actions.

Why didn't I notice this two years ago when it actually took place? Was I really that blinded by my love for Miranda and the new friendship between me and Liam? It was all so stupid, and I knew now that this was what Louis meant when he said it was my fault that we weren't friends any longer. It all made perfect sense now. Of course he was mad at me, I had been a real asshole to him. But then again, I never thought he appreciated me enough to care about the fact that I texted Liam and Miranda sometimes. I thought he mostly considered me a friend because I helped him with his school work, but I guess not.

I laid there for a while, thinking about what Louis had done to me lately and tried to put every single puzzle piece together. Though, there was something I still couldn't figure out in the end, and that was why he said I had ripped his heart out. I mean, sure, I had hurt him, but ripping his heart out did sound a little exaggerated, didn't it? Well, that was if he possibly didn't feel more than friendly feelings for me. But, that would be stupid because he didn't like me like that. If anything was impossible, then that certainly was.




Not to be mean or anything, but Harry was really damn stupid and oblivious. I had literally done everything to make him realize what he did to me two years ago when we were friends. To be more specific, I had tried doing exactly the same things he had done to me, even if it was harder for me considering we weren't really friends anymore, so what I did now didn't have the same effect, unfortunately.

But, he should still catch the hang of it, especially since he was the one who did it to me the last time. Intentionally or not, I didn't really care. What he did to me was still disrespectful and rude. Sure, I was the one who left him and started picking on him, but I thought that was the least he deserved after treating me like that. I mean, I thought we were supposed to be friends, yet he never paid attention to me when we hung out together. It was always "Liam did this, Miranda did that" and I just couldn't bring myself to continue listening to it any longer. It was hurting me, and not only because of the fact that he had befriended new people and also started dating a girl, but mainly because he decided to just stop caring about me. That was definitely what hurt the most, even if it stung quite deep when he mentioned that he and Miranda had gotten together. It hurt like hell, but it couldn't compete with the pain I felt when he stopped paying attention to me altogether.

As if that wasn't enough, many other bad things happened to me at the same time. I even considered taking my own life once, but knew I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I was too weak. Furthermore, I couldn't do it to my dad since he'd just lost two other important people in his life. It would surely have broken him completely.

That left me to trying to get better by myself. I stopped caring about school whatsoever because I literally couldn't care less about my future or what I turned out to be. It was only the present that counted and for me to get better somehow. And, school work definitely didn't make anything better, so I dropped it completely. That was also when I decided to get addicted to cigarettes. Yes, I decided. It was the only thing that kept me relatively calm, and I needed that so badly back then. The only problem was that now that I didn't find it so important any longer, it was impossible to stop. Not that I had really tried yet...

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