Memory

Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"Where's...where's Farlan and Isabel?"

The room suddenly grew colder and the man holding you grew rigid. The hands on your shoulders tightened and his eyes were filled with one too many emotions.

"L-levi.." You repeated. "N-nothing's making sense but all I know-" you suddenly realized you were shaking. "Levi, levi you were there! In my mind and dreams and everything all this time and I don't understand anything but all I remember are those two! They.. I know for a fact I love them." Your voice grew serious and you tried to get up, Levi's arms fell to his sides and you clutched the tables edge, steadying yourself. "Where are they..?"

"I-..." He was staring at you, with wide eyes and you could see the slight tremble in his bottom lip. He took a deep breath, it was pretty obvious that he was trying to stay composed. "They..have passed on (f/n)."

You frowned and unconsciously took a step back, Hanji said this. She said the two of then were Levi's friends and that they had passed on an expedition..so that means she was right. Memory loss.

Your eyes began to sting and there was a sudden wetness on your cheeks. "W-what happened?"

Levi looked down, his hands clenching at his sides. "We...we were on an exp-"

"No." You cut him off, your voice suddenly strong. "Start from the beginning." 

He looked back up at you.

"I don't remember everything but I do know enough to get me to understand. I want to know what happened, I want to know what made you...do this." Your words came out harsher than you intended, but then again, according to your visions..The man in front of you had drugged you and wiped the memories of nearly half of your life, he left you for five years and in those years you were apart from what you now knew to be your family, who apparently had passed on. Without your knowing.

At the moment, you had every right to be harsh.

Levi's gaze flitted up to yours for a second before he dropped it again. He stepped away, removed his apron, leant against the table edge, and crossed his arms. He somehow managed to still look composed despite how thick the air was. He spoke softly, "I was in business with some pretty bad men. It was to dangerous to keep you there with me-"

"But not so dangerous for Isabel and Farlan."

His eyes shot up and he glared, but it was half hearted. "By the time I had managed to get enough of the same drug I used for you for them it was already to late."

"I was being hunted...by the survey corps. They needed me and apparently the two of them to. I don't think they realized there were four in the group rather than three. But, seeing as they didn't come after you, my plan worked. I wanted to keep you safe (f/n) and that was the only way I could guarantee it."

You suddenly didn't realize what you had done till after you had done it. Levi's hand was up, clutching his jaw which you knew was probably throbbing, just like your knuckles were.

"Fuck you." You growled out. "I f-forgot everything Levi. Everything! All those times we spent together, you and me. The fucking picnics and dates and those nights alone- Farlan, Isabel, all of us...everything. You took all that away!"

You were angry, and sad, and a shit ton of different emotions combined. You wanted to keep hitting him, and you wanted to cry. You wanted to curl up in bed for the next few days and you wanted to just pack up and leave and get eaten by a titan. You were exhausted, this was too much. Everything was slowly coming back to you at such an agonizing pace that you wanted to scream.  

You tightly clutched the counter top as the tears started flowing even faster. Levi looked up at you and stepped forward, his arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace. Your head fell against his shoulder but other than that you were still. He wasn't phased by your outburst, he was probably expecting it. Hell, he probably imagined this scene a thousand different times already.

Your eyes closed and you let loose a whimper "I didn't get to say goodbye.."

Levi pulled you in tighter and his hand was rubbing soothing circles against your back. "I know." He softly whispered. "And I am so fucking sorry (f/n). If I could redo it all I would. I missed you, I missed you so fucking much." His voice grew softer, "I really did believe we would meet again..but god it has been so fucking hard (f/n). We live in such a fucked up world, not knowing what day will be our last- I missed you. I missed you so fucking much."

Your shoulder was suddenly slightly damp but you ignored it. You brought your arms up and returned the hug, you missed him, too, you truly did. You understood why he did what he did, typical hero stuff. You wouldn't expect less from humanities strongest.

But what bothered you the most was your two friends. They didn't deserve what had happened to them, it shouldn't have ended like that, they were family. So bright eyed and smart and full of life, if Levi hadn't done what he did then they might still have been alive. If you were just there you could've saved them. But you weren't, you were living with some fake family inside the safety of the walls.

You weren't blaming Levi for it, no. He did what he had to. You blamed yourself. Five years ago you should've seen what was happening, you shouldn't have been so blind when he pulled out that god damned needle. You should've stopped him, you should've figured out what was happening, you should've done something.

But no. Levi had probably risked his life trying to get that serum for you, and just for you. All you've been for the last few years was nothing but a kid from the underground who only knew how to fend for themselves. You couldn't save your friends, you couldn't help levi, you weren't a soldier, you were far from it. You were practically a doll, one that needed to be protected in fear of it shattering. And all it took was gaining your memories to realize it.

Shit happened the past few months and year. That's all I'm gonna say. I'm sorry for the late update

Later lovelies 💕