VALERIE

Twelve

'Demons are real. They haunt me. They haunt my mind and my heart until they drain me from my feelings. Their voices are real. The visions of them are real. The touch of their negativity and darkness attempting to pull me down is all too real. I didn't make them. Other people made them for me and they've never stopped following me. I need to escape. I need happiness. I miss the smell and warmth of the light, please I need to leave the darkness-"

"You're always writing in that book of yours Valerie I hope it's school work." Valerie's mother noticed her daughter sitting on a bar stool as she came into the kitchen.

She had just gotten home from her tennis lesson and she was ready to make herself a green shake out of kale and celery.

Looking up from her journal Valerie put the pen down and shut her book, Valerie noticed the tennis outfit her mother was wearing, she looked beyond ridiculous with the small white skirt above her knees and the white polo shirt exposing her belly button.

"How was the tennis lesson mom?"

The glow on her mother's face was undeniable. It was obvious her mother was still sleeping with the families tennis instructor.

No one in the family knew, only Valerie knew about her mother's affair. Although not even her own mother knew that Valerie knew about the affair.

"Great, my instructor said I have a really good hand."

"I'm sure he does." Valerie said sarcastically jumping off from the high up bar stool with a smug smile across her lips.

"Why the sarcasm honey?"

"No fucking reason." Valerie chuckled maniacally,

"Language young lady."

"Fuck off." Valerie said grabbing her journal, she made her way towards the kitchens exit when she felt her mother's firm arm around her pulling her back.

"Who do you think you are talking to me like that."

"Fucking let me go!" Valerie yelled, a sharp sting graced her face as her head cocked to the side. The imprint of her mother's bony hand and her sharp nails clawing into her cheek had stopped Valerie from talking.

"You're not going to speak to me in that tone I am your mother."

Slowly Valerie raised her hand to touch her burning cheek as she faced her mother, looking at her hand she had a bit of blood on it realizing her mother's nails clawed into her cheek.

"What's this huh?" Snatching the black journal from her daughters hand she opened the journal and walked to the other side of the kitchen.

"Give it back." Valerie warned silently, her hair wildly draping over her face in thick brown strands.

"What is all this bull shit?" Her mother scoffed skimming pages, "You're little diary?"

"Mom please." Valerie warned again,

"You're so pathetic Valerie, these poems and journal entries are so stupid."

Valerie's different colored eyes wandered towards a knife on the counter, it's metal glistened as it called the manic girls name.

Turning back to stare at her mother, Valerie swallowed the thought, "Give it back or I'll tell dad about your affair."

Shame. Embarrassment. Anguish. Fear. Anger. All mixed onto her mother's overly botoxed face.

"What affair?" She asked trying to sound confused although it was clear she knew what Valerie was talking about.

Sighing Valerie ran her hand through her tangled hair, anger made her hold back her tears.

"You're fucking your tennis instructor mom."

Baffled by her knowledge on her affair her mother felt the wetness down her cheeks. Guilt ran and coursed through her as she stated at her daughter through watery eyes.

"I found out three months ago. I just haven't said a word because it pisses me off and I don't know what I'm capable of doing to the family if it ever blows up in this home."

Slowly nodding her head Valerie's mother wiped the tears from her face and cleared her throat, "Please keep quiet."

"Please stop cheating on dad."

She grew silent, "Don't say anything to him Valerie please."

"Just give me my book."

Handing it over to her she wrapped her daughter in a tight hug.

Valerie didn't hug her back but instead stood motionless up until her sobbing mother let her go.

Ignoring her, Valerie left and wait straight to her bedroom where the first thing she did was rush over to her bathroom and began to run a bath, stripping herself from her clothes she finished and opened her medicine cabinet where all her different types of antidepressants were held she began to pour random ones into the palm of her shaking hand.

Prozac, Xanax, Zoloft, Celex, Etc.

"Silly girl." She smiled as she turned off the bath water with her free hand. Sitting in the full and luxurious tub she popped all the pills into her mouth and swallowed them dry.