Dear Mom,
To say I miss you would be an understatement, your always on my mind and in my heart. So much has changed since you've been gone. Bub is so much different, he's the bub he used to be before all the sadness and mean settled in him. I am really proud of him for changing and taking his meds, he's hoping to move to the Carolina's where Mikey is at the end of the month. Sis is doing ok she is living at Aprils and has been fighting with her old job, they really did her dirty and I hope she gets it fixed. We're not as close as we used to be and I miss her but she has so much stress right now especially with the kids I just can't put any more on her, she's my big sister and I love her and I hope she knows that. The kids well same shit different day. Josh and Kelsea got divorced and I can't count the times that he has been in jail since, Annie is in Jail and has been for awhile I'm not sure what all is going on there but I have to assume that it's pretty bad. Joey and Liz they are messed up in fact Joey just got out of the hospital but he is supposed to be going to rehab. I sure hope he does. Amanda seems to be doing ok not a lot going on there she is staying out of trouble. I really miss the kids how they used to be before the drugs and the alcohol and bad choices I really wish they could figure out what I right in their life and fix it. Those babies they had, they deserve so much. Dad seems to be doing ok, you know how he is , doesn't say things that's bothering him or on his mind, it's the Indian in him. I know he misses you, he had planned on making changes in the house once everyone left but he hasn't and honestly I really don't know that he will but if he does it may be good for him. He keeps himself busy with work and he still spends a lot of time out in the yard and at Jims.
So what has changed with me. Well James and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary, I was so lucky to have met him mom-he's my soul and my heart and I don't think I could make it with out him. Austin has joined the USAF. I cried the day he left, I cried the day he graduated basic and I cry sometimes just talking to him on the phone. I'm really proud of that kid. Aimee has picked up some hard classes at school and it's really kicking her butt. I have to say she is really hanging tough and getting it done, she even visited with some colleges and has picked a few big names that she is thinking about going to. To top that all off, she's going to her first formal dance. We went shopping today and she picked out a beautiful dress and heels...can you believe it momma she is going to wear heels and makeup and I am going to fix her hair. I'm wondering if there is a boy there that she likes and just isn't saying anything about. So about me. Well momma I wish there was a telephone that reached to heaven cause I kind of need to hear you tell me things are going to be fine.
I went in for my yearly female exam, because of some issues they did a biopsy and well the biopsy came back with focal complex hyperplasia with atypia so the doctor did a d&c/hysteroscopy with biopsy and it came back the same way. The doctor is describing it as the level before cancer, he referred me out for a 2nd opinion to the Tulsa Cancer Institute and my appointment is tomorrow. James is going with me but I'm really scared that he's going to tell me I have cancer. I know they want to do a full hysterectomy so that is part of the plan but just the thought that even though I could never have kids and always said I wish they would just take everything out since it doesn't work, knowing they have to- to basically save me (as I see it) is different. So watch over me momma.
I love you momma, I miss you every day. I miss you higher then the moon and hotter than the son.
Your baby girl,
