The Claude Files: Tragedy, Surprises & Hope.

The Pain Never Goes Away...

I wouldn't believe that he was gone. No matter how hard I tried I 

couldn't hold back the tears. I cried all night. Just the thought that 

he could of been lying next to me for the first time in ages hurt me. 

I know that I had seen him a month ago when he was allowed a week on 

leave, but it didn't make things any better, he still should

of been here.

The next day I didn't feel any better. I wouldn't answer my phone, I 

wouldn't get dressed or anything. The only time I did something was 

when I needed the bathroom. I felt awful. Not just because I was 

grieving, but I felt sick and light headed - must of been lack of 

sleep last night.

So many memories were flooding my mind but I didn't cry. I couldn't. 

It was like I had cried every last tear I has inside of me.

There was a knock at the door. The last thing I needed was visitors. 

Reluctantly I answered it, and my sister Cleo was there. She looked at 

me, and gave me a huge hug.

We sat and talked for ages. She told me about the funeral arangements 

and just the thought made me feel ill.

2weeks later.

The funeral was this afternoon I had planned a speech, just something 

to say as a goodbye. To be honest I didn't think I was going to make 

it! I had been feeling ill for over a week and I was constantly 

hungry. I figured it was just the stress of everything. Cleo and her 

husband, Joe and their son Liam, came and picked me up and we drove in 

silence to East Avenue Church.

It was depressing seeing everyone in black. I took a deep breathe and 

walked towards the church doors. The service was in 5min, so I made a 

quicky bathroom stop. The minuite i entered the cubical I was sick. 

This didn't feel right. I cleaned myself up and slowly walked over to 

the pews.

After Euan's mum, dad and brother said their speechs, it was my turn.

I shook as I walked to the front. I was never a good public speaker.

'Euan was amazing. He was loved by everyone, especially me.'

'He was always there if,' I felt dizzy, but I carried on, 'if someone 

need him,' 'he.. he..' the room was spinning, I couldn't stop shaking. 

My stomach and my body were hurting so badly I could hardly stand. I 

fell to the ground.