like real people do | c.g [#wattys2019]

A L M O S T

WAKING UP to see Merle Dixon ripping up mattresses because he's looking for drugs isn't the best way to start off the morning, but I roll my eyes and I run my hands through my hair as Carl starts to wake up. We eat breakfast and Rick is, unsurprisingly, nowhere to be seen. After we eat, Michonne tells us that she was thinking about going out to put up some barbed wire. She thought that maybe some flat tires would keep the Governor at bay.

We all agree and end up inside the fence, smashing wooden spoons and pans together while yelling before stabbing the walkers. Michonne is out in the patio, slicing up the walkers as Glenn leaves the car to put out the wire. He rushes back to the truck and Daryl drives away quickly as the walkers start ignoring us.

Once we're all inside everyone scatters around, disappearing to god knows where. Everyone but Maggie, Beth, and Hershel. The three Greene's are sitting on a table, bible opened in between them as they pray.

I stay hidden behind a wall as I listen to Hershel talk. How they manage to still have faith after all of this, I have no idea... But I do know that I envy them. I envy them because they probably think Annette, Shawn, and Jimmy are all in heaven. They think they're in a better place. That Lori, my father, my mother, T-Dog, Sophia, Shane, and everyone else that we've lost are in a better place.

But I don't, I can't. We've seen so much horror, so many gruesome things, so many friends dying, too many for me to believe that this is all part of some plan that something bigger than us has. Because then, I'll hate whatever that is. Any type of God that's created this isn't one that I want to worship.

They eventually stop praying and I hear Hershel stand up. "Rick!" He says. "What you're about to do-"

Rick cuts him off and I shuffle farther into my empty cell so they won't catch me. "I can't... I won't." I hear him walk away and I walk fully into my cell.

What the hell is Rick gonna do? He hasn't said anything about the Governor besides saying that we can't trust him... So what was that about? I shake my head. If he wants to talk to us he will, but for now I've gotta stay out of it. They'll be mad if they know I was eavesdropping.

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A few hours pass and I almost forget about Rick and Hershel's talk. Almost, but he gathers us all up, wanting to have a 'group meeting'. We've had a lot of these lately, maybe a few too many.

Rick looks around, his face pale as he starts talking. "When I met with the Governor... He offered me a deal." He looks down shamefully before continuing. "He said... He said he'd leave us alone if I gave him Michonne. And, I was gonna do that. To keep us safe..."

My eyes widen as I stare him down. I don't try to hide my shock as I register this new piece of information. He said she was like one of us now, he started treating her like a member of this group... Are we all that expendable to him?

"But, I changed my mind." He continues. "But now Merle took her to fulfill the deal, and Daryl went to stop him and I don't know if it's too late. I was wrong not to tell you. And, I'm sorry. What I said last year, that first night after the farm... It can't be like that. It can't. What we do, what we're willing to do, who we are, it's not my call. It can't be. I can't sacrifice one of us for the greater good, because we are the greater good! We're the reason we're still here, not me.