Unbreakable - A Beautiful Lie · (Roswell Fanfiction) · √

FORTY-TWO

Considering the physical distance between our bodies and our minds, I had never before felt so much from Max. With every vibrant nuance of his rich emotional repertoire, I became increasingly aware of just how much he had hid from me during the periods when we had shared a mental bond.

With some humbling degree of mortification, I also realized how much was actually possible to be shared though the bond and how much Max must have received through the connection from me ever since he healed me that Sunday morning outside of my burning childhood home. I wondered if he had at any point tried to block me, because my feelings were mostly all over the place and it must've been exhausting - not mentioning distracting - to be assaulted by my emotional life. One could only wonder how it must feel to Max?

Or had he actually felt - and endured - every single private emotion of mine?

It was a comfort, though, that his feelings seemed just as confusing, altering and scattered as mine. They changed from trepidation to anxiety to fear to anger to sadness to regret to guilt to longing to bittersweet happiness to quiet reflection and so on. I wondered how much of that was for me.

Not being physically connected, we didn't share thoughts, only emotions. And the further we got from each other physically, it was mostly the stronger emotions that were getting through. The ones that made your heart suddenly fly off in tachycardia, and made a smile spread across your lips no matter where you were, the ones that made your palms sweat and your stomach coil.

I realized that I could almost sense how far away he was by the strength of his emotions.

This fascinated me at the same time as it struck me with overwhelming sadness as it reminded me that I couldn't embrace that bond, since it would soon be gone.

The next period passed quickly and by the end of it, I had no idea what had been said or taught. I had been very busy 'eavesdropping' on Max's beautiful span of emotions. And by the time the school bell rang, I was hot and bothered, fueled with a need to find Max, pull him into some private room and heavily make out with him. Amongst other things.

But instead of doing all of that, I inhaled deeply as I stacked my notebook on top of the textbook, topped it off with my half-chewed pencil and pressed back the chilling feeling of impending doom as I, once again, focused on bringing up that steel wall around my mind.

I was so focused on my task that I walked straight into the doorway and snickering mixed with laughter erupted around me. I took another breath, tried to give appearance that I had meant to do that, and hurried out of the classroom.

I leaned up against the wall of the hallway, squeezed my eyes closed in attempt to block out my surroundings, and focused again on shutting Max out.

He had said that he loved me.

He had taken the walls down.

He would have taken me away from here, to live with me underground, if it hadn't been a dead end.

"You okay there, Parker?" an amused voice asked next to me and my eyes snapped open to discover Michael Guerin looking at me, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "That doorway came out of nowhere, did it?"

My past natural instinct to fear Michael was forgotten as I glared at him and bit out, annoyed, "I'm fine."

Michael chuckled. "Right."

And to my relief he left.

My eyes distractedly scanned the hallway, wondering how I would be able to shut Max out this time. How I was supposed to shut someone out that I desperately wanted to let in.

I realized that I needed to find Alex or Maria before hitting the cafeteria. Despite my sporadic black-outs as of late, I hadn't forgotten that I was supposed to meet Sean for lunch. My hope was that Sean wouldn't try anything too obvious if we weren't alone. And maybe Alex would use his alien abilities and bend Sean into feeling that he didn't need to control me just then - or something.