I hid the letter under my mattress. Vic can not find it. it'll crush him.
I walked to Vic's bedroom and knocked softly.
I heard shuffling, a little sniffle and a small "come in" was said.
I frowned and opened the door to Vic sitting in bed, looking at his hands and fiddling with them, the covers wrapped around his legs.
"hey," I whispered as I sat on the bed next to him "are you okay?" I asked.
he sighed and shook his head.
"wherever she is, she is safe. I know she is." I assured him.
"I remember when your mother and I had our first date . she forgot about it and i saw her at a bar and she was with that Michael guy and I started talking to her. she completely forgot about Michael. he got frustrated and left." he laughed quietly but sniffles again. "we ended up just going to my house and talking about stuff. a couple of times one of us would fall asleep." he smiled and looked down at his hands.
Vic and my mother must have some good memories. I feel like a shitty daughter now.
"but overlooking all of our good memories we had some terribly horrid ones. I once caught her with another man in our bed and never could look at her the same. that was a month ago. that's probably the same man she is with right now." he sighed.
"Vic, maybe mom leaving was a sign... I mean she cheated on you and she wasn't a mother figure at all to me." I spoke softly.
he turned and looked down at me. his eyes were a gray color, not his usual light cheery brown. it hurt me to see him like this. his cheeks were tear stained and he had stubble all around his face. his hair looked like it hadn't been washed for these last couple of days.
I have to tell Vic about the letter, it will eat me alive to see him like this all the time.
"Vic, mom didn't disappear. she left us." I said.
his face was still faced at mine and he had no emotion on his face, his eyes still staring into mine.
he shifted and tackled me into a hug and pushed me into the bed.
"throughout this whole chaos I haven't thought about you, she's your mother and now she's gone and it must hurt you." he softly said in my ear. I was very confused. Why isn't he sad? She literally left us. Maybe he doesn't believe me. Or he is in denial.
my arms were pinned down onto my sides and my legs were under Vic's. he was fully on top of me and I couldn't move.
this is as much connection as me and Vic have had ever.
I couldn't speak. I was too overwhelmed. his head was in the crook of my neck and I could feel his breath, waiting for me to respond.
"I-I'm okay Vic. really." I said, looking up at the ceiling fan.
he lifted himself up and looked at me again.
"are you sure? this whole time I've been mourning and she is your mother, the person that has been with you your whole life. now she left u-us." his voice cracked and at that moment he realized what just happened.
"she's gone." he whispered.
he is crushed. what have I done to him?