Chapter 18: U & I

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Gwen pushed herself away from under Dorian. She scooted to the head of the bed, leaning against his blue pillows. Folding her arms she glared at him, "Why? Why shouldn't I come with you? Do you not want me is that it?"

She was hurt. What happened to him saying no matter what he would always love her? If he loved her so much he would take her with him.

"Because Gwen," He crawled onto the bed, coming to sit beside her and brushing a few loose strands of hair from her face. "I love you too much to endanger you like that. You don't understand my father. The things he was involved in ... it is something I don't want you exposed to."

"But I want to go." She knew she sounded like a whining child but Gwen didn't care. She wanted to make him understand that none of that mattered to her. She would risk it for him.

"Besides, what about your baking career? I would always feel like the person who took you away from your dream. As unhappy as I will be not having you around every day, it would be unbearable to know you gave up everything for me. I was forced into this life because of my father, Gwen. I can't do to you what he did to me. This is no life. What I live is only survival. You are the first person I have had any real bond with since my mother died. The only one I feel I can be completely myself with. I can't bring you, the person I love the most, into this way of living." His hands continued to caress her face.

Dorian brushed the pad of his thumb across her lips. Gwen nodded because she understood. She may not be happy that he is leaving but he's right. If she ran with him, giving up her parents, Annalise, and her baking she wouldn't be happy. She might even resent him one day and Gwen would never want to feel that for him. Dorian deserved happiness and loving people in his life.

"I know, it's just I will miss you so much." The last word cracked in her throat. A warm tear pricked her eye and she let it flow. Gwen wasn't going to hold anything back anymore. Her soul felt like it was being torn slowly, inch by inch. She was raw and ached for him. Anything he could give her.

Her glance up at his darkening eyes made her realize how much he felt, she knew it was the same way she did. He needed to touch her, drink her in and she wanted nothing more than to be sipped slowly, perhaps forever if she got lucky.

She kissed him. Gwen doesn't wait for him to reach her, she doesn't want to wait tonight. This night is for getting everything, taking what she desires. Her lips pucker and nibble at his neck as she memorizes his stubbled skin.

She starts to lick him, as if committing to memory for every one of her senses. He's salty and her mouth waters for more. Lifting her head, his eyes shrunken to slits, Gwen just watches him. His breathing not so rapid it would indicate something explosive just happened but she notices his chest moving now. She likes him like this, lost to the moment, relaxed but wanting.

Her eyes flutter to his lax and slightly parted mouth. Her hand glides to the button on his jeans and works them open. It's not long before she has released his hardened cock and he is helping to push down his pants.

"Where are your condoms?" Gwen stares at him. His only answer is his eyes drifting over to the table by his bed. There is no drawer but a small black lacquered box, she lifts the lid to find three condom wrappers inside. Just as she grabs one and begins to rip it open his hand grabs her wrist.

"I want to taste you Gwen. I need to taste you."

Dorian moves down so that he is lying on the bed and indicates for her to come to him. Gwen throws the condom into the middle of the bed and takes off her large sweatshirt and cutoff jean shorts. She notices his eyes glued to her body as she removes the garments and leaves herself naked for him. Gwen tugs at her nipple in anticipation.

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