Candy's Letter to Terry, Unsent

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Translated from Italian publication of CCFS Vol.2. pps202-204

Dear Terry,

Every time I talk with you in my mind, my heart is like a mature bittersweet apricot that could fall to the ground at the slightest breeze. In those moments I am almost afraid to breathe.

Congratulations for your great success in Hamlet!

By popular demand you are representing one show after another, isn't it so? I've read different reviews that speak enthusiastically

"Hamlet that we've always desired to see! A representation that goes far beyond your every expectation!" "Terence's Hamlet will even arrive in England."

Even Great Uncle William speaks off handedly of you. Initially he forcidly avoided at all costs the topic and he took care to hide reviews in magazines that regarded you. Contrary to his intentions, it was something that made me suffer and I'm relieved now that we can comport ourselves in a more natural way.

You know Terry... that Great Uncle William surprise surprise, is Mr. Albert!

Can you believe it? What an incredible story, truly? And I had contact with him even in London! Not to mention that when I left Saint Paul's Institute I left William my confidential diary, without hiding any of my sentiments.

In other words, Mr Albert knows almost as much as I the feelings I have towards you. He knows all about our first meeting and how with the passing of time...In short he knows everything. I can't even imagine his face when he read what I'd written in those pages... To think we still can't touch the topic.

Just as well Mr. Albert is not dedicated to acting, he is exceptional at pretending! He would have been a great rival in the theatre you know?

Even when he regained his memory, he didn't tell me about it straight away... Even today there are many mysteries to be revealed. In spite of everything, however, he really saved me. It was perhaps his presence, in a way that lifted me. You don't know how many adventures I had to arrive in America to find you. I would have so wanted to tell you everything with calm but in the end it was not possible. How many letters I have sent without you receiving them. You however, wrote to me often...despite your busy schedule.

The recipient is always "Tarzan freckle face"...I would have liked to have received more romantic messages instead of these ironic jokes, but I have always convinced that I know what is inside your heart. Even with the teasing, your words were full of affection and caring. Thank you, Terry...

Still today, I jealously conserve all your letters, but I cannot read them again.

I know that you came to to see me at the Pony house, but in that moment I was a stow away on board a ship. When I was told about your visit I was so angry. If only I had managed to return to America sooner...if you'd only presented yourself a while after...

And the same happened in Chicago. We keep chasing without ever finding each other. In that time, however I was convinced that with everything that we had lost we would have regained, and that we would have been together a long time.

That night in New York the air was freezing, but the snow falling seemed to emanate heat, perhaps because I had on my back the warmth of your chest. I remember you said to me "I want you to be happy, all right?"

Terry, I am happy and I want you to be happy even more.

"Susanna claimed with her love Terence's return."

I read these types of article.

Susanna is a marvellous person, truly? It is especially marvellous that she continues to love you more than anything in the world. And you, who chose to have her at your side, your marvellous.

Naturally I won't post this letter, you know well. But I am so happy for your success that I could not help but write.

Terry... don't forget that in a corner of the American countryside there's a fierce admirer of Terence Graham. Don't forget that when you are on the stage I am there applauding you with all my strength.

P.S.

Terry...I was in love with you.

Tarzan freckle face.


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