It's What You Do to Me (11)

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The cold wind brushed through my hair, and I couldn’t help but find it soothing and calming, just what I needed. Everything had been so hectic lately.

Keeping Jay and the note a secret from River was harder than I thought. Usually he could tell when I was lying to him, but for some reason, now he couldn’t. I wanted to tell him more than anything, but I just couldn’t There was nothing he had to worry about… I hadn’t even gotten another note yet…

But it still gnawed at me, little by little. I felt so guilty for lying to him… He didn’t deserve any of that. He told me everything…

At least, I believed he did. I was sure there were some things that he didn’t want to share with me. Like things from his past, or things with his family. Both were touchy subjects when it came to River. But after learning about his past and what his family had done to him, I didn’t really blame him. It was a miracle that he was on good terms with Tanner now.

But I felt even guiltier about not telling him about Jay. He’d really get angry if he learned Jay tried to get me to break up with him… Even if I tried to tell him that I’d never do that, he would still be angry and probably go get Seth and Rex to go help him beat Jay up or something…

They were good fighters separately, so I was scared what they would be like together. Seth had killed three guys on his own, Rex kicked the crap at out Paul, and River did a pretty good job on Avery. But I had seen them fight together only once, and that was with Mr. Higginson. And yet, Mr. Higginson was still able to overpower them… That was probably what scared me the most.

I used to never like being alone. I still didn’t like it very much, but now I found it soothing and calming. I wanted to be completely left alone as I continued to sit on the park bench in silence, my arms wrapped around my legs as my chin rested on my knees.

Rex had gotten Seth and River in trouble, so they all had detention. Rex just wouldn’t shut up in class, and Seth and River were his unfortunate victims. So I couldn’t hang out with them. Marnie had to do something at Eden, and then Alice had work. I thought about just hanging out at the coffee shop with her, but I remembered how Avery went there a lot. I definitely didn’t want to see him when I was all alone, especially since he was probably with Bekka.

But I enjoyed the peace and quiet that surrounded me. I could hear the soft laughter of the children that played on the playground a few feet away from me, but it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I thought about what it was like when I was a child, how I didn’t have anything to worry about and all I cared about was having fun.

I missed those times. Though I hadn’t known any of my friends back then, I still kind of wished I could go back and be a kid again. Because back then, I didn’t even know Mr. Higginson. And when I was six-years-old, he was only sixteen.

It was weird thinking about him as a teenager, as a child. He’d always just been my teacher, and then just my stalker after that. But he was a person; he had a family and friends. But that definitely didn’t erase what he had done to my friends, family, and me. He was still the insane nutcase that tried to kill my fiancé and kidnap me for himself. And I’d never forget that part about him.

But what was he like when he was my age? Did he have brothers or sisters? He had told me the night at the fair that he was visiting his sister… I knew that that was a lie, but what if he really did have a sister that was sick? Not that I’d feel bad for him, but I’d feel bad for her…

No. He was just lying, I was sure. But the thought was still in my head. Did he have any siblings? What did his family do when they found out what he had been doing?

And what about the faculty at my old school? My stomach dropped when I thought of them. Everyone at my old school was informed about what had happened, even though I had no idea why. I was sure that it was Arianna’s doing, but then the principal had to tell the teachers what had happened.

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