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14. FOURTEEN : oblivion
Peter stumbled into his house, his suit torn and frayed, his bones shaking from exhaustion. There were areas splattered with a decorative red - a red that shouldn't have been there unless it was from his own actions. He didn't want to look down; he didn't want to think about the pain he had caused. His hands were still stained with both Ella and Captain Stacy's blood, and he didn't know if she was still alive or not. All he could think were her words replaying over and over in his head like a record.
Love you.
Grief surged through his body, dousing every fiber, making it feel as though it was impossible for his body to function correctly. Peter never wanted to leave her weak and alone, but she knew. She knew that if he didn't, there would be no more Spiderman left. He wished he had stayed behind, watching from a distance as the paramedics stabilized her and put her in the back of the hospital truck. Only after that did he go home, but he didn't really know what could happen.
Injury was on one level while the idea of death seemed so unrealistic for the fiery strawberry blonde, but he still didn't know. It was all his fault. She got injured and it was all his fault. She could die and it would be all his fault. Peter didn't know how he'd be able to live with himself if she were to die by his hands. The weight of the world already felt as though it were crushing him, and it felt as though his lungs were filling with concrete making it impossible to breathe.
He vaguely remembered Ella telling him about panic attacks and how they could make a person feel utterly vulnerable. Sucking in a deep breath, Peter closed his eyes, body leaned heavily against the wall. Gwen and Ella we're going to be so disappointed in him.
Peter opened his eyes to find his aunt May staring at him with a worried look. Sadness and relief flooded his system because at least one thing was constant. He'd always have his aunt to comfort him, to ground him back on Earth. A shaky smile slowly formed on his as that was the best he could manage to do. There were so many things he wanted to do at that moment, so many things he wanted to say, but with aunt May he had to protect her from the horrible things he encountered daily.
He couldn't let one little slip of emotion be shown towards her. He couldn't let another person suffer because of what he had caused.
Aunt May pulled him into a hug and it felt as though every horrible, nasty thing was melting away. "Sweetheart, it's okay. It's alright. Rough night. It's gonna be alright."
He just really hoped that it would be. Peter wouldn't be able to deal with the consequences if it wasn't alright.
____
"Peter Parker."
That name felt bitter in her mouth as she spoke, staring at the mop of brown hair in front of her. He promised to always be there for her yet ever since that night, Peter had been avoiding her. Ever since that night when the whole world went to shit in that little hospital room. He had left her completely alone, and there was no turning back from that.
