I'm With Stupid

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Why me, Lord, why me?

"Hey! Hey! Hey, Katie! Hey! Hey!" My 'best friend', Shelby, kept repeating over and over and over and over and over and - I think you get it. It was the summer holidays so I was at home, lying on the lawn chair in my front garden, trying to see if my dark skin can get any darker. Shelby lived right next to me and has been talking to me ever since she had the ability to, thanks to our 'wonderful' parents who just had to include their children in their social conversations. Thanks a whole bunch, mum, so much. I sighed in my mind. Shelby and I were separated by this giant hedge which I'd insisted that my dad not cut down, it's the only barrier of protection I have from this crazy child but, obviously, it's not enough.

She was probably jumping up and down on her little sister's trampoline for her head to be able to pop up every two seconds over the hedge, her naturally curly brown hair bouncing as she went up and down. I kept my head turned away from her and made it seem like I was sleeping, doing my best to ignore her.

"Katieeee!" She whined before I heard her yelp and the sound of crashing.

I sighed and counted to five in my head. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. I took off my sunglasses and turned my head to see what the commotion was all about. The sight before me would've seemed hilarious to a random stranger, but I've seen things like this so many times that it's just a simple occurrence. She was now on top of the hedge and was struggling to stay on; the crash must've been from the trampoline or her landing on the hedge - either way, I simply did not care.

She gave me a goofy grin. "A little help please?" She suggested, her dark brown hair getting in the way of her dark brown eyes.

I scoffed and stood up. "Dead. The day I help you is the day zombies run the world." I said before turning away.

"Who run the world?! GIRLS!" She started singing at the top of her lungs and I groaned. I really need to watch what I say around her. Why, oh why, must there be a song about everything?!

She can always, for some reason, find something related to a song and it drives me mad. What makes it worse is that she does it at the most random of times and even listens in on other people's conversations so she can pick out a song from their words - no sane person would do that! No, wait...what's even worse about it is that she can't even sing in the first place! Even from behind the thick piece of wood that I call a door couldn't keep out the horrific screaming that was being done by that...that thing outside.

After five minutes of her repeating the same five words over and over again, I just knew she wasn't going to stop and that no one else was willing to stop her. Everyone else has already gotten used to her being like this but that's only because she doesn't hang on their arm 24/7! I swung open my door and her smiley face met my cold glare.

"For the love of God - I'm not even a strong believer in Christianity - but God, hear me now! Shut. UP!" I screamed in her face. She didn't flinch and merely giggled at me.

"Can you help me down, please?" I swear, sometimes it's like she's four years old; everything seems to be a game to her.

I sighed and lazily grabbed one of her arms with one hand. I forcefully tugged her down, making her squeal in surprise. Once I knew she wouldn't be up there still, I walked back into my house, not even looking to see if she had managed to get up.

"Hey! Since you helped me, does that mean zombies are taking over the world?!" She said in a shocked tone. She must really think zombies are taking over. I simply rolled my eyes, even though she couldn't see, and continued walking into my house. "Katie!" She whined, banging at the door. I continued to ignore her and plopped myself down on the sofa, turning on the TV. "C'mon, answer me! Are zombies running the world?!"

"Zombies are running the world." Were the first words to blare out from the TV and I raised my eyebrows in shock. That was weird...is Shelby a witch? The news reporter woman was sitting on the orange sofa with the TV, showing a picture of people running around as zombies, behind her.

The makeup was so obvious; if zombies were to run the world, their skin would not go green - it would go a murky brown as time passes, like how a dead body decomposes (which is what they actually are). A major rookie mistake when making a zombie film. I sighed, thinking of all the zombie films my mum showed me from her time, they were so fake and boring that I fell asleep all the time.

The news lady continued to go on about how zombie films were starting to become increasingly popular and that there's a rumour going that all the directors and producers of zombie films will be collaborating and combing all their ideas to make one major zombie film. Seems interesting...not.

I love zombie films, I really do. Especially ones that seem realistic like 'Shaun of the Dead' or 'Warm Bodies'...actually scratch 'Warm Bodies', the ending was so unrealistic that I wanted to scratch my eyes out for believing such a lie. But once the thing you like starts to go mainstream, it doesn't feel...special anymore.

Getting up from the sofa with a sigh, I noticed that Shelby had finally stopped banging on my door. Either she tired herself out or she got kidnapped. The likely situation is the first one but I'm crossing my fingers for the latter.

I walked to the kitchen while fixing my bikini bottom which had started to ride up a little. I opened the fridge and debated in my head whether to get coke in the bottle or in the can. If I get it in a can then the can will be cold too, making me cool easier. But if I get it in the bottle then I can close it again once I open it. Also whenever I have coke in a can, I burp a lot, for some reason...I've never cared that much to take it to heart. Buuuut, on adverts, they mainly use the cans - the cans look cool.

I shrugged my shoulders and went for the can. I tapped the top with my knuckles so the coke wouldn't burst into the air - a superstition I have, don't ask why - and gently pulled on the metal thing that opens it a tiny bit - I can't, for the life of me, remember what it's called. The coke let out a little hiss and I waited a little while before deciding that it's safe to fully open it.

I opened it and was satisfied when I was not sprayed with the fizziness of the coke. Chugging down the drink, I walked back into the front room to see my TV off. I looked at it strangely. I didn't turn it off before I went into the kitchen...

I shrugged it off and simply picked up the remote from where I threw it. I pressed the 'on' button and, instead of what I was previously watching, all I could see was static. Either a bird is humping the satellite, or there's an alien bird that's humping the one in space, or the people working in the TV stations have become lazy asses and have decided to make me watch static.

"Oh, my god," I said in frustration. I threw the remote back down and went up to my room to search for my phone, still sipping on my can of coke.

I turned my room upside down and still have not found my phone. You'd think one would be more careful with an iPhone 5. Then again, it's not really helpful that my room is the place of no return - once you lose something in there, you can never find it again.

Luckily, it seems God has been forgiven to me today as at just that moment I heard the song R&B Singer start to play - my ringtone - and thanked the lord by promising not to beat him up when I get up there. I listened carefully for the sound of my phone and crawled on the floor, trying to identify its location. Over where the mountain of clothes was where the sound was the loudest. I had hoped that it wasn't over there, but alas, it seems God is not being quite so forgiving yet.

"This is gonna take a while..." I sighed before diving into the mountain of dirty clothing.

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I'm just testing this out....seeing how it goes as there's no actual plot or structure for this. I was just in a random mood and felt the need to express that random mood with the loveliness of a soon to be zombie story :P

Picture up top is Katie ;)

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