Bayside Queens

24.

24.

CJ

I knocked on his door quietly, ignoring the voice in the back of my mind that told me to run. I didn't know what I was doing here. I knew he didn't want to see me. I knew he would never forgive me. But somehow I was still here.

"Come in," his muffled mumble sounded from the other side of the door. I swallowed back the jumbling thoughts in my head and did as he said.

Quinn was lying on his side, his back against the wall that his bed was pushed up against. He was holding one of those little baby toys that made noise when you shook it. Tobias was lying on his back next to his godfather, reaching up and giggling, trying to get the toy that Quinn was holding in front of him. Quinn's face was red and wet with tears, but when he looked at Tob he smiled.

Seeing the baby smiling made my heart wrench. He had no idea he had just lost the most important woman in his life.

I took a few steps and sat on the edge of the bed they occupied. I still didn't know what I was doing here.

Quinn spoke first. "Thank you for picking him up yesterday," he said to me, his voice scratchy and small like he hadn't used it in days.

He was talking about when I picked Tobias up from daycare yesterday. When Quinn was asleep in one of those hospital chairs waiting for a verdict, I snuck away to go get the baby. I brought him to Viola's place so she could watch him while we waited.

I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me. I couldn't bring myself to speak, what would I say? His best friend was lying in the morgue. I couldn't save her. I couldn't do the one thing I promised I would do. I promised I would never let anything bad happen to him, and look where we are now.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. My gaze remained on Quinn as he shook Tob's toy again. His hair was unruly and longer than it had ever been. The deep red rims and black circles under his eyes made me cringe.

The good thing about all this was that those boys were caught. Yesterday after we got the news, Quinn had one request for me. All he asked was that I find the boys that did this and I lock them up. So while he sobbed into my shoulder, I made some calls. Boggs was able to locate the ringleader Brian and after that, finding the others was easy. I sent Topher, Maeve, and a few other deputies out to their homes. Brian is going to jail for murder. The rest are only 17 so they're headed to juvie. They had some drug priors and were illegally carrying firearms, so it wasn't hard to charge them. I was just glad I could do something to make Quinn feel better.

Viola picked him up from the hospital around 1 AM and took him home. I had to be at work at six, so I went home to sleep but it was no use. He was all I could think about. His quivering body, his overwhelming sobs, his permenant death grip on my shirt. I never wanted to let him go, but I knew I had to. It would be too painful for him to have me back in his life again, no matter how good it felt to hold him after all this time. I didn't want to confuse him or hurt him anymore, but of course, here I was. My subconscious led me to his bedroom at 9:30 on a Thursday night.

"I'm adopting him, you know," was the next thing out of Quinn's mouth. He said it with so much conviction and heart that I wanted to cry. "Once I turn 18."

I sighed again. "Quinn..." I drawled out his name, hoping I wouldn't have to explain why that was not possible.

"What?" he snapped, looking up at me for the first time. His big brown eyes were brimming with tears as he glared at me. "He is my godson, I am his caretaker, he is my responsibility. You can't tell me what to do."