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We were just wrapping up rehearsals for the last show of our OTRA tour. Singing is something I have always had in my blood. But performing like this...it was something I never even dreamed of. And the best part of it all was that I was in it with my best friends.
My eyes sought them out amidst the chaos of our make-up room. Zayn was on the sofa, sketch pad in hand, putting all his imagination down through pencil strokes. Niall was running around with a bag of chips, with Louis in hot pursuit. And poor Liam was following them as well, trying to clean up the chip trail they were leaving.
Seeing them like this put a smile on my face instantly. I love my friends. But was that reason enough to be alive anymore? I ran a hand through my hair, sighing,which caught Liam's attention. Nothing ever escaped his attention. I admired him for that. For being strong and mature enough for all of us.
"Are you alright mate? You look exhausted. I think a nap would make you feel better"
"Yeah, that's just what I need now. I'll be in the bus if anyone needs me okay?"
"Okay, Harry. Sleep well"
I walked out of the room and towards our bus. I loved our tour bus. It was so huge, it almost felt like a small apartment. We all had a key to it, so I just snuck in quietly and dropped onto the nearest bunk. I closed my eyes and resumed my thinking.
I love my friends. But was that reason enough to be alive anymore?
Honestly, I didn't know. What I did know was that life as I knew it had slowly slipped away from me, the fame and attention making it hard for me to notice the difference at first. But lately, I was beginning to see what it was doing to me. What it was doing to my friends. It was a one in a million chance if you got to see them genuinely having fun, fooling around or even smiling. They were way better at handling it all. I was like an open book.
When I saw our WWA concert movie, I was not surprised to find myself staring at a stranger. A stranger who seemed very angry, with a frown on his face.
I heard someone getting on to the bus. Instantly, I felt frustrated. Can I not have one minute to be alone??
A relatively short figure came towards me.
"Hey, um...Liam asked me to check on you. Were you sick or something?"
I could make out his features in the dark. The blue, blue eyes. The soft lips that taste like sunlight. The boy that I...
"No. I'm not sick. For God's sake just leave me alone!"
I regretted the words immediately. But I dare not show it. I could make out the hurt that crossed his face for a few seconds.
He doesn't leave. He just stares at me.
"What do you want now?", I snapped.
"Well, I came here to rest a bit too. Is...is that okay?"
I could feel my anger melt away a little. At least I was not the only one in need of a break.
"Oh. Um..yeah, I guess. Lock the door behind you, will you?"
I snuggled back under the covers. I heard the key turn, then footsteps, and a 'plop!' as Louis fell onto the bed across mine.
So much for some time alone.
What the hell does he want NOW??
"You know you can tell me anything, right?"
I could feel my chest fill with warmth instantly. Hmph. So he does care. But why? Why now?
Four years ago
It was the beginning of the year, and it was our day off. Louis & I were the best of friends since the beginning, sticking together like the two sides of an Oreo. We lived together, ate together & slept together. Our fans loved the bromance. We were inseparable, or so we thought. Louis was always cheeky, but always had a soft spot for me. He never took a joke too far if I seemed uncomfortable. He was always around, a shoulder to cry on. And since the beginning, maybe it was the crazed hormones or whatever, he was my whole world. He was my idol, my role model, and slowly became my love.
Then one day, we were at our place, snuggled on a couch in front of the TV. He had his arms around me, as always, a blanket enclosing us in our own little world. He was staring at the TV, and I was staring at him. I knew I should be patient, 'cause I didn't know whether he would accept me or not. But I took the risk anyway.
Slowly, I took his face in mine, making him turn towards me.
I couldn't take it anymore. I just leaned in and kissed him. Electricity was buzzing through my whole body, as my heart's desire was fulfilled. And the best part of it all, after a few agonizing seconds, he started to kiss me back. I could feel his hand in my hair, softly massaging my scalp, as I broke away and started to brush my lips along his jaw, slowly trailing down his neck.
But something was wrong. I could feel him go rigid, and his hand came away from my hair.
I leaned back to look at his face. It was blank.
"What are you doing, Harry?"
I could feel hotness creeping up my neck.
"And why the hell did you want to do it with me??"
"I don't care why, Harry! What is wrong with you? Do you even know the consequences if somebody found out?!"
Now I was angry.
"Then why the hell did you kiss me back? You seemed to enjoy it as much as I did!"
"Yeah, well, it was out of pity, okay?"
That was it. He got up & left, and only came back three days later to get his stuff.
"I'm moving out".
I could feel my heart crack. But I did not show it.
Just like that, it was over. Somebody separated the two sides of the cookie and licked off the cream.
"I have nothing to say, alright? If you came here to sleep, then go to sleep".
I knew I was a bit too rude, but I couldn't help it. It was the first time in ages the two of us were alone. And it scared me to death. Of course, he would've forgotten all about that fateful day and those that followed up until 3 months ago when we last spoke, what with all the girlfriends he had. I mean, I'd had girlfriends too, on request from management, but he actually took them seriously, being with one person for so long, probably falling in love with them as well.
I could hear him turning around, probably to face the wall. But then he spoke.
"Sleep well, Haz".
Tears sprung to my eyes at the familiar nickname. But I fought them back.
You're gonna see the things that I see
You're gonna want the air that I breathe
You're gonna wish you never left me....
YOU ARE READING
Four years ago, Harry Styles fell in love, and was rejected upon confession. How is he supposed to put his past behind him when he has to face it every day? Larry Stylinson All kinds of comments/ideas are welcome