August 1, 2015

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August 1, 2015 4:58
when I smile, one eye is opened a little bit more than the other, and one of my teeth is a little bit more yellow than the rest. on Sunday's, or before my friends call me over on weekdays, I lay in bed with my glasses on, and half my hair in a bun and the other half falling out, because that just so happens to be the cause of me tossing and turning all night. without my glasses or contacts I can't see five feet in front of me, so to fix that, my glasses are 1/2 an inch thick. I'm very skinny and tall, I practically have no features, except for breasts that get enhanced by a push up bra, and if I stand up straight enough (which I rarely do) I almost have projection from my butt. my hair is rarely ever styled, rarely brushed for that matter. I don't really like my arms because they aren't toned. although I am skinny I'm very self conscious about my image because I always feel I should be skinnier. I have thin white lines on my thighs, wrist, and stomach from nights where I couldn't face the mirror and I couldn't control myself enough to not destroy the body that homes me. there have been days where I didn't eat and days when I didn't leave my room. nights where I've cried myself to sleep and the next morning go to school and cry some more. my cheeks have learned to know my tears and the wells my eyes pull from have run dry. but all of this is okay. it's okay because no matter all the imperfections I may find among my skin, stretch marks to scars, I'm still here. I am alive. I'm a little rude sometimes, and I get loud and excited and cranky. I can argue and I can push everyone away and then ask for them all back. I have loved and been loved by people who are around and people who aren't anymore. I will give anything for my friends and family to be happy. I'm learning to be okay. I'm learning to be good. I'm going to be okay and so are you.
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