Chapter 43

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After leaving Zayn's apartment out of anger then realizing that I have no where else to go, I broke down in tears. On top of that it's raining and I'm soaking wet.  I would just go back to my own apartment but I left my keys along with my phone. So I'm basically hopeless.

   I walk down the street until I find a small cafe. I rush in to get out of the rain. Luckily I have some money on me and I could buy hot chocolate or something hot to warm me up. Everyone stares at me as I walk in, although, I don't blame them. I'm a total mess right now.

   I walk up to the counter and order a cup of hot chocolate. As soon as it's ready I go and sit down at a table. I've stopped crying now and just feel really tired. Maybe I shouldn't have ran out the way I did, but I couldn't stand to be around Zayn anymore.

   When he said that I tore my family apart it brought so many memories back. My mom used to tell me that almost every night after Ryan left. So when he repeated those words her voice just rang in my ear. And yes, I already know it was my fault but I've learned to block it all out. The guilt and shame was all locked away until Zayn and I fought.

   Now I feel as worse as ever. I can't help but think what Ryan is doing now. Is he happy and in love? Did he go to college to become a doctor like he always wanted to do? Does he miss any of us? Does he miss me?

   I want to believe that he is happy and in love, that he is following his dream, and he misses me. While the first two sound realistic, I know that he doesn't miss me. I practically ruined everything for him. I destroyed his relationships with my parents and made him miserable. I know there are so many worse situations out there and this seems like nothing compared to them, but I feel so terrible about it.

   I wish things could have been different. I would even take that kid touching me over all the misery I caused. It really sucks knowing you're the reason for something bad.


   "Ma'am?" a voice calls. I look up from my empty cup. A old lady with a apron stands there look looking at me.

   "Yes?" I quietly reply with a sniffle.

   "We're closing," she looks at me in pity. I look around the cafe and realize I'm the only customer left.

   "Oh, sorry," I quickly reply and stand up.

   "It's okay, honey," she assures me. "Get some rest, okay? You look a bit pale."

   "Thank you," I offer her a small smile.
   As I walk to the door I search for a clock. When I find one my eyes widen. I have been here for hours, it's already almost one in the morning. I cough a few times as I walk out the door. Being wet in freezing cold weather I was bound to get sick.

   The street barely has anyone else beside me on it. Only two other people are on the sidewalk and one car on the road. It colder than earlier and it's not pouring rain anymore, but it's lightly raining. I pull my thin sweater closer to my body and begin walking back towards Zayn's  apartment. I don't really have any other option at this point.

  "Hey," I hear a girls voice call out. I stop and turn towards the voice. A young girl and man rush up to me, panting.

   "Uh, hello?" I awkwardly reply. 

   "Sorry to bother you," the girl apologizes. The guys that's with her just stares at me.

   "It's fine," I give her a small smile. They are both dressed in torn clothes with holes in them. They must be freezing.

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