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Pen Your Pride

1| May

2.9K 86 77

"Y'know, you should really go out and date someone."

"How long has it been since your ex? What was his name, Ian? Trevor? It's been so long, honey!"

"Do you even know what a boy is?"

All these questions, yet I haven't found the answer. Thanks to my mom, I'm answer-less.

I live by myself, in a apartment in Columbus, Ohio. Every morning, my mom has phoned to check up on me for 2 years now, ever since I moved out after college. I've had countless boyfriends all through and before college, all of them not 'up to snuff', let's say. But, my mom doesn't let go.

Every morning, this is our conversation (which has been the same for 2 years):

Mom: "Good morning, sweetie!"

Me: "Morning, mom."

Mom: "How are you? Do you need any money? How are you eating? Are you sleeping well?"

Me: "Yes, mom. I'm fine."

Mom: "I worry about you, dear."

Me: "And why's that, mom?"

Mom: "You don't have a man to help you! What if you were financially unstable?"

Me: "I can assure you that I'm doing perfectly fine on my own, mom."

Mom: "But what if someone broke in? How could you defend yourself? You're vulnerable, honey."

(Around here I really want to hang up, and yet I do not. For some stupid reason.)

Me: "Anyways, how are you and dad doing?"

Mom: "Stop trying to change the subject, May. You need a man!"

Me: "But what if I'm a lesbian?"

Mom: "There's plenty of good wom-"

Me: "I'm not a lesbian. Anyways, I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now! I need to focus on my job, mom."

Mom: "You work as a barista at Starbucks, dear."

Me: "It's a side job! I write music, mom. I'm also a published author, and I know  for a fact that you haven't even picked up my book, The Life Of A-"

Mom: "Yes, yes, The Life Of A Woman, some feminism book, I know."

Me: "And my second novel-"

Mom: "Yes, The Life Of A Man, I know-"

Me: "You just want me to have a ring on my finger, mom! That's all you want!"

Mom: "No, I want grandchildren."

Me: "Which comes with the package, usually. Anyways, I have to go. Goodbye."

Mom: "Have a nice day, darling."

Yeah, I know, right? She sounds like a total bag. Which she is at times, but... Actually, I don't even remember a good memory of her. And the reason that I was inspired to write that novel was to show her that sometimes people don't need a partner in their life. Women are so pushed to get married and forced into marriages and have to have children and have to be a good wife and it's so tiring. Maybe I don't want to get married? Maybe I just want to have a boyfriend forever and never have to get a ring on my finger. Yes, I do have commitment issues, but not because I'm a cheater.

Because I've been cheated on and taken for granted and I have so many trust issues. I don't like commitment. And that's a problem when it comes to relationships, because it's frustrating.

Now, enough about that depressing relationship stuff, let's talk about me. Well, we already were, but like what I do.

I finished college two years ago. I was studying Literature and Journalism, but I was also composing some of my own songs on my piano on the side. I still do, and I'm currently trying to get with a record label. Which isn't working out.

I have published 3 books so far, my first two being the ones mentioned by my mother, and a second one that was just published a few months ago, called In Society's Eyes. It's about all the genders and 'social norms', etc.

I also work at Starbucks part time, and that's what really keeps me financially stable at times. So yes, I am a very busy person, and I couldn't possibly maintain a healthy relationship with a person.

Sadly, I do have a lot of free time. And I do not spend it wisely, for example, during my free time, I do not check my bank account, or check my bills, or go outside and socialize or actually just go outside, really. I love my cozy apartment. I love my life.

Okay, that was a lie. I do not love my life. My life is hard, mentally. Physically, it's alright, because it's not really physical. But mentally because I'm so alone. I live an hour away from my parents, and I live in Columbus, Ohio. I barely know anyone here, except for my friend/co-worker, Hannah. She's the reason I'm still sane, really.

But other than Hannah, I don't really know anyone here, and it's been 2 years. I'd love to meet someone new, but it's hard. I'm not good with bars or busy restaurants. Why can't someone come to me for a change? Every boyfriend I've had, I've had to chase after them, almost bribe them to go out with me, just to please my mother. None of them even liked me. I thought I liked them, but I really didn't.

***

set me free |-/ tyler josephRead this story for FREE!