Untamable (Completed)

Battered.

Hey guys!

Ohkay, so I'm horrible. it's been THREE FUDGIN WEEKS, since I update.

I'm sorry, and I'll be working on the last few chapters of Untamable today, and throughout the week. HOPEFULLY, I get them done. :)

SORRY, ENJOY. :)

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Rebekah's (P.O.V)

I sniffle again, wiping my nose on the back of my hand. I cried out all my tears in the first 5 minutes of entering my room so it's just snot and sniffles at this point. My anger just beneath the surface.
I take in a shaky breath, closing my eyes for a moment. "Rebekah please." Joel asks once again. He's been trying for a bit now. My eyes brushed open, my eye lashes fluttering against eachother, sticking for a moment and looked towards the closed door of our room.
I sniffle again. I really shout get some water, it's not good for... There was another small knock. Joel was there, sitting on the outside of the door, could tell. I couldn't let him in though. The moment he were to step into this room would be the moment I cream. I'd take him into my arms and tell him I forgive him. I didn't want to let myself be that weak. Not around him. And especially not after what he did.
How could he use our connection to compel me? It's not like him. Anger sure changes people... but should I forgive him?
It seemed like lately everything and everyone was in mental breakdown. Should I blame him?

I feel like I had been used by my mate. The idea of someone making me do something I dont want to... and what made it worse was that it wasn't onl-, I halt my thoughts and bite my lip I was mad and full of sadness. The man I love was mad at me enough to try and force my actions and all because I'm in the way of his protection towards Katerina.
Was that it? Was there more he was mad at? Should I be jealous of his connection with Kat?
She always came to me with her problems sure but I never wanted to be in the way of them. I sniffled.
Him being Katerina's protector meant I was no longer the only person he would jump in front of a bullet for.

And maybe I was over-reacting but it still hurt.
I got one person for the rest of my life, one mate. One person who loves me and who I would marry and who's pups I would have.
And Joel got all of that as well but after tonight, after using our connection like that, it feels like those things don't mean as much to him as they do me.
I still can't believe he did that. Would he do that to one of our babies? No. He would never, he was just angry. But would he? I sighed.

Everyone has secrets.. "Bek, please. Let me in. We need to talk." Joel begs. And I couldn't pin-point it, maybe it was the tone of his voice, or the way he said the word 'need' but, I panicked. 
I was going to give into him.

My throat closed up, the dryness of it scratching against each other. Water, I need wa- I caught glance of the mini-bar in the corner of the room.
And before I could stop myself, I had a small bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand, opened. I just want to feel something other then what I felt right now.  I tilted the bottle to my lips drinking a few quick sips. It burned in a distracting way and I took another sip.

Once again, I looked towards the door to see Joel try the knob again. "Rebekah I'm here, I love you, please." He pleaded and I took yet another small sip as guilty tears poured down my eyes.

Stop. Everyone has there secrets. And I splayed my hand across my belly. I shouldn't be doing this.
I was going to be a terrible mother. Here I am worrying about the kind of father Joel would be meanwhile, here I am.
I shouldn't be doing this. Joel didn't know about the pregnancy, which made it more exhausting. Keeping it all in... I just want a break.

With that thought, I found myself taking a big enough gulp that alcohol leaked from the corner of mouth and onto my shirt.
I stuck my hand to my mouth and started to choke, realizing again that I shouldn't be doing this.
I threw the bottle at the wall and it smashed into pieces. "Fuck." I continue to gag.
A louder bang on the bedroom door made me believe Joel was shouldering it down. "What was that sound! Are you okay?" He yelled and I shook my head and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and locking it.
After sinking to the floor, I let go and breathe, not realizing I had been holding my breath. "You shouldn't have done that." I whispered to myself.