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Hey guys!

Ohkay, so I'm horrible. And terrible. And mean. And down-right shouldn't be alive! Because it's been THREE FUDGIN WEEKS, since I updated, and you've all been suffering.

I'm so damn sorry, and I'll be working on the last few chapters of Untamable today, and throughout the week. HOPEFULLY, I get them done. :)



Rebekah's (P.O.V)

Sniffle. My hundredth time sniffling in the past ten minutes. But I could do nothing about it, nothing to control it, because like the snotty mess coming from my nose, the tears wouldn't stop running. My skin was pale. I knew it was too, too pale, and that it wasn't good for... I took in a shaky breath, sucking in my bottom lip and closing my eyes for a moment. "Rebekah, please." Joel asked once again. My eyes brushed open, my eye lashes fluttering against eachother, sticking for a moment and looked towards the closed door of our room. He was there, sitting on the outside of it, banging every few seconds to get me to open up and let him in, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. The moment he were to step in through the door, was the moment I would crack, and I would take him into my arms in the longest, most loving hug possible, and tell him I forgive him, and I didn't want to let myself be that weak. Not around him. Espescially not around him. The erratic beat of my heart radiated through my chest. It seemed like lately everything and everyone was in mental breakdown, and it was the worst thing to experience. It felt like I had been pin pointed till I lost all my blood. Like I had been rejected by my mate, and what made it worse was that it wasn't only... I bit my lip to stop the quivering. I wasn't rejected by Joel, that's not why I was crying. I was crying,because the one person in the entire world, who is meant to love me through think, thin and even thicker!... Was mad at my existence.

No, the words, those words didn't leave his mouth in that exact form of a sentence, but they were there. He was mad that I was alive, because so long as I was alive I would be in the way of his protection towards Katerina. She would come to me, tell me everything, not him. So long as I was alive, I would be a nuisance. It was such a horrible feeling... excruciatingly painful. Like a knife was plunged into my gut, and is being twisted, and twisted, and twisted, to where a black hole is inside me. Maybe I was being dramatic. Maybe I was over-reacting. But no-one got it! I got one person for the rest of my life, one mate. One person who would love me, and who I would marry and who's pups I would have, but Joel didn't. He got a mate, he got me, but he has Katerina, who he's meant to look after. And yes, she means nothing to him in a romantic way, but I'm no longer the only person he would jump in front of a bullet for. But yet... I don't blame Katerina what so ever. I don't even blame Joel. No, because the person I'm most angry with, the person I hope dies a sad, brutal and tragic death, who I believe should be left alone in the wind, is me. I'm disgusted with myself for being a bad mate, a bad friend. Everyone around me is becoming depressed, they all have their problems, and I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out. Joel has a lifes mission, to protect and serve Katerina, to make sure no harm, comes to her, as does Cliff, and It's true, more then anything else in the world, that I'm getting in the way.

Everyone has secrets, I get that. I have a few secrets of my own, one's that no-one know's about. I looked towards the door again. "Bek. Let me in. We need to talk." Joel begged again. I gasped, my eyes stinging with more tears. Oh my god. I don't know whether it was the tone of his voice, or the way he exaggerated the word 'need', but I knew it. I knew that this talk would end in one of us getting hurt, and it would most likely be me. How else could I take 'we need to talk'? It's the most feared sentence in anyones relationship, and it just got impaled towards me like a flaming ball of fire. My throat closed up, the dryness of it scratching against eachother and making it itchy. Water, I need wa- I caught glance of the mini-bar in the corner of the room. And before I could stop myself, I had a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand opened, and I tilted it to my lips letting it flow down in guzzling gulps. It burned in the most delicious way, and settled all the way down to my stomach. On instict, I touched it, my palm splayed out across it as my other held onto the bottle for dear life. Once again, I looked towards the door to see Joel try the knob again. I took another gulp as guitly tears poured down my eyes. Everyone has there secrets right? And I felt my stomach kick, comfirming that I was going to be a terrible mother.

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