Lies....

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I stare at Christian, as he lays there on the cold grey stone floor, peacefully sleeping. I could feel the heavy tear drops, leak from the base of my eye (could vampires cry?) as they ran like silk down my cheek bones. Could he really have done it? - Yes I was sure. He didn't know me back then . . . he wouldn't do it now if he knew. But he said he didn't like killing innocent people - he lied. Could this man I love, this image I portrayed of him in my head, be wrong? Was he the monster that I thought he wasn't? Was he just like his sleazy brother?

I scoot myself away from him, cocooning myself into the corner of the cell, I couldn't be near him. No matter how long my dead heart longed for me to be in his arms - I couldn't. Half of my dead heart was crumbling into ash; it was like he was the only thing keeping it there in my chest, but now he was the one breaking it. After everything he said to me, everything he did, it hurts me to question if any of it was real? Was he joined with Luke? Playing a sick game on me, for all I know he could be just like Luke. I was a mouse in a trap, nowhere to escape. 

I think about Lauren, how she must have felt when she was taken. She would have felt the same way as I did. What had happened to her Father? Did they kill him? Were they killing her now? I couldn't think of that. But the thoughts and images couldn't stop; they kept spinning round in my head refusing to stop. Bashing my hands to my head stops them, but wakes Christian . . . something I wish wouldn't off. 

He stares at me, half asleep and half dazed. He smiles sleepily at me; like he was on drugs. Than it disappears and he frowns, he begins to hoist himself up into a sitting position and reaches out for me, I squirm out of his reach. 

"What's the matter?" He was worried and confused; even though he was tired his face was wide awake.

I couldn't bring myself to say it, I would break down in tears. I send it telepathically to him and his face goes rigid. His eyes say what I need to hear sorry . . . but I feel like it's not enough, I can't forgive him - I just couldn't. 

"I'm sorry, Sasha. Really I am, if I had known she was your friend I wouldn't of." 

"So if she was someone I didn't know you would do it?" My voice was louder than I expected.

He sighs and grunts. "You know we need humans to survive, it's our way of living." 

I stay quite. He was right but I just couldn't get the image of him being a monster out of my head. 

"Can you forgive me?" His voice was meek. 

"I seriously don't know, Christian." My voice was now small and quite, it wobbled on his name. His name on my lips sounded no longer like they belonged but now felt distant. 

His face crumbles. "I can respect that." Was all he said and I felt an aching and longing inside of me but anger over ridded that. He was just going to give up? He wasn't going to fight for us? I know I was the one who said I didn't know if we could still be, but it hurt that he wouldn't even try to save us. 

He lay back down on the ground; he ran his fingers through his lavish black hair. What I would do to entwine my fingers in it, though a part of me wanted to yank it. 

"I will help you get out, but you will need to help me. After that; you can do what you want - I won’t stop you."

He closes his eyes, obviously showing the conversation was over. 'After that; you can do what you want - I won’t stop you'. Did he really mean that? Would he just let me slip through his fingers? Let our love fade and break apart? Was this even love? I loved him, but did he even love me? Was I just a distraction for him? -For him to forget about Lauren? I looked like her after all. Heavy tears fell down my check and I begin to sob, Christian wasn't asleep, he could hear me but never came to comfort me. Than a thought hit me, he could hear everything I had been thinking . . . and he never denied any of it.

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