Chapter 1 - Then...

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Hi everyone!

This is my first book and I finally feel brave enough to hit save and publish. I do hope you will enjoy it!


Picture on the side - Vanessa Heinsfeld (aka Kelly Brooks)

*EDIT 2019 - Includes Bonus content*


Vanessa "Nessa" Heinsfeld

(18 years old at the time of her rejection)

(Rover Grove Pack)

The rhythmic tick-tock resonated through the quiet room. The Alpha-mandated psychiatrist sessions were predictable waste of time and effort for both parties. Yet they kept seeing each other as if they could resolve anything.

Vanessa kept staring at the decor, ignoring the doctor, but vigilantly cataloging her surroundings. If nothing else worked out, at least Nessa would have inspiration for future renovations. The room was inviting and warm, allowing Nessa to forgot she was here involuntary. Nessa sat on the dark sofa, which gently supported her weight and enveloped her in a reassuring embrace, thus focusing her mind on the task at hand. Gather your thoughts and pour your heart out. While the purpose of every single element in the room was to facilitate the healing process, Nessa only saw furniture she would love to have one day, if she lived long enough to be able to afford it. Whoever decorated the room had an easy going style and certain innocence which made Nessa jealous.

All she ever wanted was to rest her tired eyelids, and just to be done with just eighteen years of life. But the darn therapist kept yapping about the feelings they were bound to unearth.

It would have been a really cozy hour of silence and solitude, had it not been for the yapping psychiatrist of the feelings they were supposed to unearth. Nessa's cooperation was expected, as if opening your bleeding heart for judgemental inspection wasn't hard enough.

"So how have you been?" Evelyn Franklin, resident psychiatrist and fellow Rover Grove pack member, asked as many times before.

Nessa often wondered just how much things had changed since her rejection a couple of months ago. Surely, the pain wasn't as physically impairing as in the first couple of days. The sharp, pulsating and suffocating agony had slowly decreased to this tolerable ache. It had become her new norm, and Nessa hardly ever thought about it. Unless she was in Evelyn's company.

The desperation of being stuck, unloved and unwanted was duller, but still present. It consumed the air around her, and left her breathless at times.

And then there were the nights. They were still the worst. When everything was quiet and sleeping, Nessa could not occupy her troubled soul with distractions. Her mind constantly replayed memories in a loop – growing up with him by her side, the teenage crush blossoming first into a relationship then into a mating. It was just as the Fates intended. But if this was the Goddess' plan all along, where did Nessa go wary to deserve the soul crushing rejection? Or was it just meant to happen? Was Fate simply cruel enough to have planned all this sorrow?

'How have you been', was just the beginning of the monologue the young health professional had in Nessa's presence every Wednesday morning.

Nessa chose to look at these mandated sessions as audiences she had to attend, listening to the pestering woman in white.

"Another silent session," Doctor Franklin sighed. "You know, I am here to help you if you allow me, that is."

Nessa couldn't even be bothered to raise an eyebrow at such an outrageous statement. How could a happily mated she-wolf comprehend the loss of a mate, and relate to the ultimate betrayal of the rejection? The feelings associated with the rejection could not be understood or retold fully unless you had personally experienced them. As long as there were no common grounds, it was foolish to assume one could prepare any soul for the miserable and lonely existence, the renouncement brought.

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