Love Defined

Part 10

Chapter 9

"Did you hear the great news?" My mother came bursting through my apartment door with her hands flailing in the air and her mouth wide as she yelled.

I groaned and pushed my head further into my pillow. "Remind me again why I gave you a key?" I asked.

My mother quickly sat on my bed and I had yet another moment where I cursed not having doors in my tiny apartment.

"I'm your mother Piper. If you didn't give me a key, I would have had one made."

I sat up in my bed and gave her my best 'are you kidding me' stare. "What if I was naked in here, with a man even?"

It hurt a lot when she laughed in response. In fact, it had been the most I'd seen her laugh in a long time. "Piper, if there were even a chance that you could be in here naked with a man, I wouldn't need a key."

I flinched, "It's not that hard to imagine."

Her laughter stopped. "Really, this coming from the woman who likes to remind me at every possible moment how love does not exist?"

I smirked, "Who said anything about love? I am female after all."

"Yes, a female with a fear of intimacy. Good job though, you almost had me fooled. You're getting better at trying to convince me that you're normal."

I frowned, my eyes instantly blurring. "Thanks for the vote of confidence mom."

I turned away from her in the hope that she wouldn't see just how deeply her words had cut. I felt her arms gently touch mine as she moved higher on the bed so that she was sat beside me. "Piper," she whispered but, I kept my head facing the wall. "Piper I don't know why you're upset. It isn't as though any of this is news to you. I'm the one who keeps pushing you to be with someone but you're the one who keeps insisting that relationships are not for you. Is it fair for you to be upset with me when I point it out? I say it isn't."

I pulled away from her hold and jumped out of the bed. I held my head in my hands and prayed that the tightness in my chest would fade along with the salty puddles in my eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat and hugged myself tightly for reassurance.

"It hurts mom," I mumbled.

"Why?" She asked delicately.

I hung my head and spoke to the tiled floor. "It isn't as though I'm happy being alone. I want to be normal. I want to be carefree around people and I want to give you the grand babies you crave. I want someone to spend my days with and I want someone to hold me when I cry. Gosh mom, I want happiness! But I'm scared. I'm scared of opening myself up and getting hurt. I don't believe love lasts. I believe it exists but it fades too quickly. I don't have the courage to go after a page of romance." I turned to face my mother, my face dripping in tears. "I want the entire novel but it doesn't exist."

My mother frowned; tears collecting in her own eyes. "Oh! My sweet, baby girl," She quickly made her way to me and opened her arms. I instantly fell limp in her warm and comforting arms. She rubbed my back soothingly as she helped me ease my pain away. After some time had passed and my sobs had dwindled to only small whimpers, my mother pulled my face away and looked into my eyes. She had a small smile on her face but her eyes were low with heartache.

She pushed my hair away from my eyes and held my head in her petite hands. "My baby girl, why didn't you ever tell me? You've had me believing that you were asexual or something. I didn't know you were actually hurting inside. If I had known that you were simply afraid of love, I would have never have pushed you so hard to date and marry."